Page 76 of Say Yes to the Hot Mess

“She knows you,” Maya says, her voice still more of a mumble than clearly spoken words. “Knows Jude…”

Wait a minute. Scarlett? As in,Jude’sScarlett?

“You know Scarlett?” I say in disbelief.

“Mmm,” Maya says. “I miss her. I miss Scarlett. She’s such a good friend. And Archer is such a good baby. And you”—she points at me with her good hand—“you’re a good friend, too.” Then she starts beckoning me closer. “Psst!” she whispers, her eyes half closed. “Psst! I have a secret to tell you. Come here.”

Her hand darts out and snatches me by the front of my shirt, and I teeter for a second, off-kilter, before getting it together and leaning closer. I try not to smile as she pats me clumsily on the chest.

“All right,” I say, even though I probably shouldn’t encourage her. “What’s the secret?”

“I kind of like you,” she whispers loudly, her good hand still patting my chest. “A little bitty crush.”

“Yeah?” I say, and I’m suddenly unable to do anything about that smile. It breaks free, widening as she nods her head fervently.

“Yeah,” she whispers. Then she moves her hand up to my cheek and pinches it like a grandmother might. “You make me feel like I can do things. Like I’m com—comfidem. Comfidemt. Commident—”

“Confident,” I supply, my smile softening as something warm and affectionate stirs in my chest.

“Yeah,” she sighs. “Comfidem. It’s nice. Because do you—” She breaks off, sniffling. Then snuggles further into her pillow. “Do you know,” she says, her voice cracking, “I’m so lonely sometimes.” She gives a tremulous, miserable little smile that droops under the sleepy weight of the medication in her system. “Terrible, huh? I tell myself—no right to be lonely. I have everything I need in Archer. And Carter and Sam and Scarlett and Frank…” She shrugs sleepily. “But I’m still so lonely. All the time. Even with Chet,” she mumbles, “so alone. He didn’t see all of me for who I was. I was a warm body and a pretty face. A passable personality.” She swallows, her voice stronger as she says, “Archer is all I need. All I need. I can’t be selfish, ask for more. But sometimes…sometimes it would…” Her words warp into a yawn. “It would be nice to be held. By someone who loves me.” She’s silent for a moment, and when I hear a little snore pass between her parted lips, I know she’s fallen asleep.

And I knowI’vestarted falling forher.

* * *

The next morning,we don’t talk about any of the things Maya said. I’m not even sure she remembers saying them.

But I remember, and her words are circling through my head on repeat. Through the packing and the family goodbyes and the silent drive home, all I can think about is that Maya doesn’t think she has a right to feel lonely.

I want to tell her that she can feel however she wants, that there are no rules about when you’re allowed to be lonely and when you’re not. But if she’s not bringing up her drug-induced confessions, I’m certainly not going to.

Unfortunately, this also means I can’t ask her about her friend Scarlett. What are the odds that Maya knows Jude’s Scarlett? His ex-fiancée, the woman I’m almost positive he’s still in love with?

These thoughts are left to turn themselves over and over in my brain, and we drive in silence for so long that I’m almost glad when my phone rings.

“Mother,” I greet.

“Dexter, darling, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be staying with Grandma for a bit. Until her broken hip starts giving her a little less trouble.”

At this point, I tune out, even though my mother is still talking. I’ve hyperfocused on what she’s just told me: she’s coming to stayin Sunset Horizons.

In my neighborhood.

Where I live.

A sense of horror washes over me at the implications. Am I glad Grandma is going to be taken care of? Yes, of course. But my mother moving in half a block away to do it? Nancy Anthony does not abide by societal norms when it comes to boundaries. Nancy Anthony is perfectly happy to drop in unannounced, especially when the person she’s dropping in on is her son.

My eyes widen as a new thought occurs to me. What is this going to mean for Maya? I told everyone we were dating. What am I supposed to do about that?

“Dexter? Dexter, sweetie, are you listening to me?”

“What?” I say dazedly.

“She just said your cousin and his wife missed their flight to Hawaii,” Maya whispers from next to me, speaking for the first time since we started driving.

Thank you,I mouth. “Yes, Mother,” I say. “They missed their flight?”

“Oh,” she says. “Well, yes. And I told them they should have left earlier, but of course no one listens to me. Anyhow, they’ll catch the next one, so all’s well that ends well, I suppose.”

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