Page 96 of Let Me

“Love you, too, babe.See you in a minute,” she says then leaves the bedroom.“Don’t be late,” she says right before she exits the front door.

I place a hand on my chest.I’ve been throwing up for the last three days.And my head is killing me.It hurts so bad, I can hardly open my eyes.I rush to the bathroom, feeling weaker than I’ve felt since finding out I was out of remission.I heave over the toilet, emptying my stomach of fluid.Then I fall back on the floor and stare up at the fluorescent lights beaming down at me.I can hardly breathe.I feel like I’m suffocating.

In this moment, I’m thankful that even though I won’t get to live a full life, I’ve lived a full one.And I’m thankful…

I’mthankfulthat I took the time a few weeks ago to write letters to my wife and son.One day he’ll read it and know who I am.He’ll know how much he was loved.

I’mthankfulI had the insight to get all of my affairs in order.I left a will that detailed everything how I wanted.I don’t want a funeral.I never liked those.I only want a celebration of life.

I’mthankfulthat I’m on good terms with my father.It was a tough road for us for a while there, but we made it.

I’mthankfulthat my mother has my father for support because she’ll need him.

I’mthankfulthat even though it was for a short while, I got to experience real love with Autumn.I’m thankful to God for letting me livethislong and experience that love.I’ll always have it with me.It will always be a part of me.Autumn and Judah will always be mine.

But, for now, it’s goodbye.

My breaths grow increasingly shallow.My arms and legs twitch.My eyes open and close slowly.I don’t try to fight it – don’t try to keep them open.I just wish I could see her face one last time.

My Autumn.My baby.

I take another breath.I hear myself moan as my body shuts down.

Another breath comes.

Then another.

And another.

And then…

“Judah!”Autumn screams.I don’t see her.I hear her.My eyes are closed and though she’s holding my head and screaming for me, I can’t open my eyes.I have no control to do so.

“Judah…no, no, no.Wake up,” she says in tears.

I hear her screaming for help, and then I feel her back at my side again.

“Judah,” she says, caressing my head like she’s holding our baby.“Judah, help is on the way.Stay with me, baby.”

She brings her face to mine and says, “I love you so much, Judah.Please don’t leave me.”

My breaths are becoming faster.I still haven’t managed to open my eyes.I’m trying.I need to see her.Need to see her one last time.

“I love you, Judah,” she says.

I feel a tear from her eyes splash onto my face.

More shallow breaths come, but they’ve slowed.

My eyes open.

I see her.I’m too weak to smile, but I hope she knows that’s exactly what I’m doing.

My last breath comes.I exhale, close my eyes and tranquility encompasses me.I don’t feel any more pain.No more worry about dying.No more vomiting.No more torture.I don’t feel anything now.I can finally rest.

In peace.

Chapter 41

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