Page 95 of Let Me

“You know I’m always down for that.”

He places the bowl on my lap and then he sits on the floor next to my feet, lifts one and massages.Oh, it feels so good.

“While we have this time, I wish to talk to you about something.”

“Oooh…youwishto talk to me?”I say, amused.“What do youwishto talk to me about, Judah?”I ask, trying to keep the mood light, but the look on his face tells me he’s going deep.

He says, “I want you to be happy.”

“Iamhappy—”

“I mean, even when I’m gone, I want you to be happy.”

“Judah—”

“No, listen to me, Autumn.I’m not trying to upset you, so please don’t be upset.I just want you to know that it’s okay to move on.You deserve happiness.You deserve everything.”

“Why do you do this?”I ask.“We’ll be having a good time and you have to throw something like this in.You don’t have to say things like this, Judah.We’re good.Everything is good.Life is good.We’re having a baby.Stop worrying.”

“I don’t think this is worrying.This is something many couples talk about.I mean, if something happened to you right now, would you want me to be alone?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you and you’re too good of a man to be alone and lonely.You deserve the best.You deserve all life has to offer.”

“Now, multiply that times a thousand.That’s what I carry for you.”

I stare down at him.That’s all I can do at the moment.I’m left speechless and in awe at the same time.

Chapter 40

Listening to my baby’s heartbeat is at the top of the list of my life’s greatest pleasures.The first is meeting his mother.Kissing her.Loving her.Just the fact that I know her still gives me chills.I’ve been blessed far beyond my wildest imagination.

“Judah, baby.”

I hear Autumn’s voice gracing my ears.I open my eyes and see her face surrounded by the brightness of the sun.She looks like an angel.The baby shower is today, at my parent’s place.They’ve been planning it for the last month, making sure everything is perfect.My mother even went so far as to hire a party planner.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.”

“What time is it?”I ask.I want to stretch but I’m sore all over and tired.

“It’s time for you to get up, babe.The baby shower starts at one.”

I rub my eyes and look at the nightstand to check the actual time.It’s noon.Noon already?That catches me by surprise.I’m usually up earlier, but lately I’ve been depleted of energy.I’m weak, but she’d never know it.I did what I told my father I would do – pretend I was okay, but today, it’s getting the best of me.

I stretch, and it takes everything I have just to do that, then I say, “Okay.Let me get ready.Is there anything special you’d like me to wear?”

“No.Just be comfy.I know there will be games.Your mom went all-out for this baby shower.”

“She did.”A yawn comes.I say, “Okay, sweetie.Let me get up and get dressed.Hey, why don’t you head on over?I’ll meet you over there.”

“Okay,” she says, then places a kiss on my lips.

“I love you, Autumn.”

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