Page 18 of Let Me

“Yeah,” he says, then takes another bite of his stromboli as if what he’s told me doesn’t bother him at all.Maybe it doesn’t.He’s been living with this.It’s a shock to me because I’m just finding out.

“Say something,” he urges, wiping his mouth as he chews.

Conflicted and flabbergasted, I ask, “What am I supposed to say?”

“Something.Anything.I see the thoughts swirling in your head.”

“Yeah…I’m trying to process this.”

“I get that, I do, but I want you to say something.”

I look over at him, completely befuddled about what he’s asking of me.I ask, “What exactly am I supposed to say?”

“Say what you’re thinking right now.”

“I’m thinking that this can’t be real.If it is, life is unfair.You don’t deserve this.And…um…you look fine.You don’t look like a person who has health issues.I—um…”

I pause and reflect on what the women told me at the campfire.Putting the pieces together, I guess what they overheard turned out to be true.Hedoeshave cancer and that’s probably the reason he doesn’t date and prefers to friend-zone the women he meets.Their assumptions were spot on.

My God…

I get up from my chair, step over to him, and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling his warmth and coldness at the same time.He makes no attempt to accept my embrace – to return my hug.His arms remain by his side as he sits here as motionless as he was when I first walked into this restaurant and saw him in a daze.But I squeeze and hold on to him like this is the last time I’ll see him because I know he hasn’t come to terms with the diagnosis.That’s why there was no emotion behind his words when he told me.

Returning to my seat, I sit and push my plate away.My appetite has left the building.I don’t care how good the food is.I know I won’t be able to eat another bite right now.

I look up at him, feeling a tear roll down my face.He’s still eating like he doesn’t have a care in the world.Meanwhile, my poor, little heart is breaking for him.

“Why are you crying?”he asks.“You don’t know me.”

“It’s just—it’s jarring to hear.I—I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you tell me?”I ask, rubbing the tear away from my face.

“Would you rather I hadn’t?”he asks and takes another bite.

“Um—honestly, I don’t know.”

“I told you because I know I can trust you.And, I felt like you needed to know.”

“Did you tell Moriah, Luna, and Tabitha?”

“No.”

“I think they may have overheard you telling Nico something about it.”

“I know.”

Another tear slides down my face.

“Stop crying,” he says.

“I’m sorry.”I take a deep inhale and release it.“This is a lot.”

“I know.I had no intention of telling you this so soon.It just—I felt like I needed to.I probably shouldn’t have.”

I sniffle and say, “It’s okay.I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me.I just—I wish there was something I could do.”

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