Page 63 of Rewriting the Story

“I kissed Amelia.”

“What?” Grant practically shouts as Leo is about to swing, though he stops immediately.

“Well, that’s…insane,” Leo says. “And also not what I meant when I told you to figure out where to start. You skipped like a hundred steps, mate.”

“You kissed Amelia? And you didn't immediately melt? I don’t know how you do it, Hen. Really, I don't.” Oliver pats me on the back.

“You guys seriously kissed again?” Grant is smiling so wide right now, I feel like the Earth suddenly has two suns. “I need to know everything.”

“It was a mistake, a one-time thing, and I can't have it happen again.”

“Why not?” Grant asks me.

“Because we still haven't talked about what happened. We started to, and then I saw the necklace she was wearing, and I just…” I trail off, losing my entire train of thought. “Being around her has brought all these confusing feelings back, but they’re pointless to have. Amelia and I will never be anything again.”

“Do we need to lock you two in a room so you can sort your shit out or something?” Oliver asks, and Grant punches him in the arm. “What the fuck?”

“We’re not doing that,” Grant looks at me. “Unless you think that will help?”

I shake my head. “I doubt it. Amelia has always been good at avoiding her real feelings. I’m sure anything she tells me, there are about a thousand other things she’s not. And why would she want me back after what she did to us?”

“I think this could just be a proximity thing. You guys are around one another again, and all those feelings are coming back,” Leo says. “Ella and I had the same kind of thing. We were just…always around one another, and it brought up a lot of confusing feelings on my end.”

“All I really want from her is answers. I want to know why she left, why she broke us up.” I run a hand through my hair, annoyed I let myself get so worked up over this situation. Amelia always seems to seep into every crack and crevice in my body, and I don’t know how to stop her. I don’t know how to get her out.

It’s been years since she broke my heart, and not once have I forgotten about her. I thought I knew where we were headed back then. I thought I knew where our story was going, but then she took over, left, and I never bothered to finish it.

Not just because I couldn't, but maybe somewhere along the way, I knew our paths would cross again, on purpose or on accident.

“Good luck getting anything out of her,” Oliver says.

“She was pretty honest with me the other day,” Grant says. “I talked to her on the beach, and I’ve never seen her so open before. Hads said the same thing too. When Amelia talked to all the girls, they weren't just short, stupid talks. They were long, honest, and open about all the things that hurt while she was away. I’m pretty sure Ames and Paige talked for over an hour. You can say a lot about Amelia now, but you can’t say she’s not trying.”

The three of us take a minute to sit with that, and he is right. She is trying more than I’ve ever seen her. She told me she was going to wait until after the wedding to talk so as to not ruin Paige’s moment.

She was also the one to suggest a walk on the beach after I asked to speak. For once, she wasn't the one who ran away—I was. After I kissed her out of the blue, I left her on the beach with no explanation as to why I had kissed her.

“God, this sucks,” I say as I plop back into the golf cart.

“Yeah, it does, but nobody ever said love was easy,” Grant states as they join me.

“It definitely wasn't with me and Ella. We were practically biting each other’s heads off all the time.” Leo smirks.

“Hads let me in and then chased me away multiple times, but look at us now. We’re both thriving and loving life alongside one another.”

“Paige and I obviously had some bumps, but shit, I’m grateful we’re both still alive to see our wedding day.”

“So?” I ask, wondering what the point of all this is.

“So, you have to figure out who you want by your side for the highs, lows, and everything in between. It’s not going to just come to you. Sure, it could be Amelia, but it could also be someone you haven't met yet,” Grant tells me. “But if you want to work things out with Amelia, we’ll be here to talk it through with you if you’re confused.”

“Thanks, guys.” I smile, feeling grateful I returned their messages to come to the wedding. “I hope that, even if I’m not a part of the boyfriends of book club anymore, we can all still find time to get together.”

“Of course we can, mate.” Leo pats me on the shoulder. “Now, can we finish this round and go have a pint to celebrate?”

And for the rest of the afternoon, I laugh and smile with these guys alongside me, even as I play the worst round of golf I’ve ever played. Even though I did terribly, I still had fun. Because when I’m around these people, I suddenly remember what it's like to be a part of something. I desperately want to hang on to these moments, because it could be the last time we’re all around one another like this before we all start truly living our lives with our families.

I hope I’m lucky enough to have these guys be part of mine someday, but I’m not sure if Amelia and I are meant to be. Maybe she was meant to be my first love in this universe and that’s it.

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