Page 56 of Rewriting the Story

Is that so? I don’t believe it. “I figured you were off on a plane to England after the wedding.”

Her face pinches, but she masks it immediately. “Do you want to take a walk on the beach?”

I’m surprised at her offer. “Of course.” I motion for her to lead the way, and the two of us take our drinks and start off. I have to admit, this isn't how I thought tonight was going to go, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.

After all, finally being able to get some answers from the girl walking next to me is all I've wanted since she left. I don’t really know where to start, but luckily, as our feet hit the sand, she speaks first.

“If I were you, I’d hate me so much, I wouldn't even want totalk to me.”

“I wish I hated you, Amelia. Really, I do. It would make this all so much fucking easier.”

She looks over at me, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “What do you feel for me then?”

“That’s a complicated question,” I say as I take a deep breath. “I know you’re right next to me, but you’ve never felt as far away as you do, even though you’ve been in an entirely different country.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we were in college and I first met you, there was a tower with eighty floors built around you, and eventually, I cracked through, and you were right in front of me. I could read your mind. I could tell what you were thinking before you even thought it, and everyone else noticed it too. You felt like mine, Amelia, and I was wholly and completely yours. But as we walk, I can’t help but feel like you’re still a thousand miles away from me.”

“I’m not trying to be. I…” She trails off, and I can tell she’s nervous. She keeps touching her neck. She used to do that all the time, but the only difference is, the necklace I once bought her was underneath that touch. She used to tell me it calmed her down, but now, it looks like it's still a nervous tick.

“Do you even regret what you did?” I whisper, letting the words flow into the breeze like a special correspondence. “Because to you, it might have been one minuscule conversation before the rest of your actual life started, but my world ended when you told me you never loved me.”

She stops walking and looks up at me, her eyes glassy. “Of course I regret it. What kind of person do you take me for?”

“The kind of person who would rip my heart out in the middle of the airport and never look back. That’s the only memory I’ve had of you since it happened. It plays on repeat because I couldn't fathom how someone I loved with every fiber of my being could do that to me. Icouldn't fathom the girl I thought I was going to marry would break my heart and leave.”

“I had to do it, Henry. I wouldn't have dragged you to England because you would have been miserable, but you would have been equally miserable doing long-distance. We both had careers to focus on. It would have been too much. I thought it was the right decision for us, but every time I look back on it and see your face, I second-guess myself.”

I shake my head at her, invading her personal space. “You didn't have to do that, Amelia! There were so many other options, and we could have made it work. I would have made anything work for you, and I don’t know how you didn't know that.”

“We would have both been unhappy.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“You couldn't have known that. You made the decision for the both of us, and you didn't even bother asking me how I felt. You just did what you always do and assume you’re not worth the effort, but I would have stood by you. The fact that you didn't understand that makes me question how real our relationship was. Did you even love me back then, or were all those whispers in the silence of the night as you slept against my shoulder a lie?”

A single tear falls from her eye as she looks at me. “You are the only person I’ve ever loved, and what I did doesn't negate that, no matter how much you might want it to. But I did what I had to do, Henry, and it was what was best for the both of us.”

“For you, Amelia,” I remind her. “It was what was best for you. For some reason, you think it’s all a choice—love or success. You can have both. It’s not going to kill you if you have both of those things.”

And then, I see it. I see the necklace I bought her still resting around her neck, tucked underneath her floral midi dress flowing with the breeze.

She still wears it. Why does she still wear it?

“I’m not sure I deserve either of those things anymore.”

“Don't say that.”

“Why? I’m a horrible person. I let people get close to me, only to leave them when I see fit. I play with people's feelings and use their fears against them. I disappear, only to come back whenever I want. I never let anyone truly in to see who I am because I’m sure they’ll see the same thing I do—that I’m a horrendous, mean, jaded person.”

She’s saying these things, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like she actually believes them. I sigh heavily as I finish my drink and set my glass in the sand. “You were all of those things, Amelia.” I run a hand through my hair. “But you’re also secretly soft. And once upon a time, we used to share headphones. You would speak to me through music, and for those few minutes, I felt like I knew you. You just have to stop running, for once in your life, Amelia.”

“I’m trying,” she whispers. I take a step back. I feel like I just got grounded after being up in the air for the few minutes we were talking.

“Why do you still wear my necklace?”

Her lips part; I’m sure she wasn't expecting me to ask her that. “Because it’s my favorite, and it calms me down when I feel…”

“When you feel what, Amelia?”

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