Page 53 of Rewriting the Story

“And as for why I want to talk to you, it’s because I’ve missed my friend, Amelia, and you look… Well, if I’m being honest, you look like shit right now, and I want to help however I can.”

“Even after I left and never looked back? Even after you almost died and I didn't even call to ask if you were okay? I’m a terrible person, Grant. I don’t deserve any kindness from you.”

“You’ve made mistakes, Amelia, and you’re aware of them. I’m not going to give you more reasons to hate you than you’re already giving yourself.”

I take a deep breath as I take a few more sips of water, the coldness bringing me down from whatever weird spell I just had.

“I’m sorry I wasn't here, Grant, and I’m sorry I didn't call. I should have, but—”

“Hads told me everything. She told me about your diagnosis and the conversation all you girls had in the hotel room.” Grant grabs one of my hands and smacks it. “That’s for leaving.” He gives one of my hands a squeeze. “And that’s me being proud of you for finally talking to someone.”

“It helped more than I thought it would.”

“It always does.” He hands me another bottle of water. “How are you feeling about all of this? I know you’ve made your peace with the girls, but how is it being around Henry? Is that what’s causing this spiral of yours?”

I’ve always loved Grant’s ability to get the point. He’s also one of the most hopeful people I’ve ever met. In the back of his mind, I’m sure he’s hoping Henry and I will work out our shit so we can eventually be together again. I don’t know how to tell him all his hope is for nothing. I’m sure Henry wants closure so he can move on without me.

Hell, I don’t even know if I’m in a place emotionally and physically where I can handle a relationship. For now, I’m focusing on myself like I’ve been doing for the past nine months.

“It’s weird. Uncomfortable is the only word that comes to mind. Did you know he was going to be here? You are the best man, after all.”

He nods. “Well, Oliver invited him, so I was aware he was going to be here. I think most of us were unsure if you were actually going to show, so we figured it would be fine. Obviously, you’re here, and we’re happy you are, but we never anticipated what would happen if you were both in the same vicinity again. You two seem to be okay, despite the tension.”

“Tension?”

“In my eyes, it's obvious.”

Of course it is. “There’s nothing between Henry and I.”

“But there used to be,” he raises his eyebrows at me. “With the way you guys left things, there’s got to be some unresolved feelings.”

“What would you do if you were Henry in this situation?”

He takes a moment to think about it before he opens his mouth. “I would want to know why you left. I would have a thousand questions about the relationship, and I’d want answers as soon as I could get them. Hell, even as myself, I have a lot of questions for you, but I’m not trying to overwhelm you. You two loved one another, and then you smashed his heart to pieces. If I were him, I’d want to know why you played with my feelings like that, just to end it the way you did.”

I guess I should have known that. I have some questions I’d like to ask Henry myself, but I’m too scared. I don’t want to know the answer to some of them, but I know at some point, we’ll be talking about all of it, and I can’t do anything to prepare myself.

There were a lot of reasons why I did what I did. Fear. Impulsivity due to an undiagnosed condition. Wanting to spite my parents and prove I could be successful and have a career despite not following the path they wanted for me. More than anything, I wanted to prove to myself I could have a life outside of the place I grew up in, surrounded by loneliness and people who didn't really know me until I got to college with the girls.

Well, I succeeded in spiting my parents, but I also lost the only true people I ever had around me, and by some miracle, I got them back because I’m putting the work in.

“I don’t want to ruin the wedding our shit. If anything, I was going to talk to him after it was all over.”

“Don’t waste this precious time, Amelia. If my accident taught me one thing, it was that. You can’t spend your entire life waiting for the right moment for things to happen. Sometimes, you have to make it happen for yourself.”

“Thank you.”

He hits my arm softly before he pulls me in for a quick hug. “Listen, I know Ella already knocked some sense into you, but we really did miss you, and I hope you don’t run away again. I’d hate for this to become a recurring theme, and I really don’t like having a ghost for a friend.”

“Don’t worry,” I say as I pull back. “The only other time I’ll be ghosting you guys is if I die and haunt you from the grave.”

“That’s fair, but go to Oliver’s house first and scare the shit out of him before you come and chill at ours.”

I laugh as I imagine that. “I wouldn't dream of anything else.”

19

“Where did my wife go? Where did I go? Did we grow apart from one another or ourselves? Is who we were when we first met still an accurate portrayal of who we are now?” —Our Best Kept Secret, Henry Hayes

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