Page 124 of Reconciling With the Rival

It has been twodays of letting my anger brew and sit in my body. I’ve barely moved from my desk chair since I got home on Monday. Now, it’s Wednesday, and I’ve gone radio silent on everything.

Not that anybody has really tried calling me anyway. Alissa’s even worried about me. She keeps bringing me meals because I can’t bear to leave my room. I’ve gone through a thousand different emotions in the past two days, and all I want to do is stop feeling all of this. I want to shut my emotions off and just exist, because that seems a whole lot easier than feeling all of this at once.

My family is broken. Leo betrayed my trust. Amelia has been radio silent for months.

Sooner or later, I think the rest of my friends will leave too. They texted me yesterday, and I still haven't answered them. I feel guilty about that, but I can’t get out of the headspace I’m in where I’m a bother.

I feel like a giant placeholder in everyone's lives, and at the same time, I’ve fallen out of the lives of everyone who’s important to me.

I slam my laptop closed since it’s after five, and as I do, I swear I hear my door slam open. Alissa isn't supposed to be home for another few hours since she’s working late. She left me a note on the counter this morning, along with three fully prepared and wrapped meals in the fridge. All I have to do is heat them up.

I cried about that this morning. She hasn't asked about what’s going on with me, and part of me wants to blab and tell her everything.

But the other part of me is too afraid to say it all out loud—to admit I had feelings for her brother and he let me down. Why tell her anyway? It’s not like anything is going to happen between us now. Unlike Leo, I’m capable of keeping a fucking secret.

“Ella?” a familiar voice shouts in my living room.

I grab a cardigan and open my door. When four familiar faces meet mine, I know I can’t hide from them anymore.

A few more tears start to fall as I look at them.

They came for me. They didn't run away, they still aren't running now, and I know it’s not because they need something from me.

“Ells?” Paige whispers as she comes closer, wiping a few of my tears.

“I’m really happy to see you guys,” I tell them all.

Grant crutches over to me, throwing them onto my couch as he reaches me and wraps his arms around me. “We’re so glad you’re okay.”

I feel three more sets of arms wrap around me—a fourth barely touching me, and I know that’s Oliver—and I break. I can’t hold it in any longer. I’m so fucking tired of presenting myself as this impenetrable person when, in reality, I’m barely holding it together.

And in the arms of four people I love, of four people I know love me for who I am, I sob.

When I pull back and look at them through my tears, I center myself. “Grant, get your crutches back. You’re supposed to be healing.”

“Ella, just let us worry about you for once. Fuck my leg. I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“If you want to talk about it, of course.” Paige smiles at me.

“Or we could go for a drive?” Hads suggests, and that actually does sound nice. I definitely need to get out of my apartment for a bit. I’ve been inside the four walls of my room for too long, and I think a change of scenery could do me some good.

“That sounds good,” I say, my voice raw from how much crying I’ve done lately. I hate it. I hate feeling weak and emotional, but I need to feel all of this and cry it out, or it’s going to fester.

I don’t even know what I’m crying over sometimes—the tears just fall as I think about all of it.

“I’ll drive,” Paige says, a smile on her face as she adjusts her tote bag on her arm.

“No offense, P, but I’ll drive,” Oliver says as he takes the keys from her. “You three girls are in the back. Pretty boy can sit in the front with me.”

“Okay,” is all I can say as Hads grabs my water bottle, fills it up for me, and the five of us head out to the parking lot, all filing into Oliver’s car.

Grant turns the music on, and it plays quietly as Oliver starts to drive. Paige is in the middle of Hads and me in the back, and the two of them stare at me for a few seconds before I unload all the past few weeks onto them. I spare no details as I recount Leo and I’s agreement, how I might be falling for him, Brody’s ambush at work, and everything that has been going on with my mom. By the time I’m done, they’re all sporting the same expression.

Well, Oliver looks the same as he always does.

“So, that’s it.”

Grant turns around way too fast for someone who’s injured. “That’s it? Ella, what the fuck?”

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