Page 123 of Reconciling With the Rival

He releases my face and drops his head into my lap. “Promise me you’ll answer when I call.”

I can feel the small piece of my heart remaining start to break. I can’t trust him. I can’t fall for him, even though I already have. I have to let him go, but part of me doesn't want to. Part of me actually wants to hear him out, but I also want to kick him so hard in the balls that he doubles over.

“Whatever we had between us is over.” He lifts his head to look in my eyes. “As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing else to talk about.”

And then, I get up and walk out of my office. By the time I get to my car, I’ve sent Imogen a message about working at home for the rest of the week since it isn't too busy, and she said that was fine. She’s out of the office this morning, and I’m glad she didn't witness any of the shit that happened first-hand.

I’m sure half of the office heard me yell at Leo, and I don’t even care. Leo Zimmerman and I are no longer on speaking terms, and even though it’s what I had to do, the ache in my heart still sits on my chest.

When I get into my car, the tears start to fall.

In the past few weeks, I’ve lost my family, whatever Leo was to me, and if I’m not careful, my friends might finally catch up and see I’m not worth it.

Even I don’t feel like I’m worth it lately, and as I drive home, it feels hard to keep trying to stay afloat like I always am. All I’ve wanted from the people around me is what I give them, but I’m so tired of waiting for the right people to treat me how I deserve.

I’m fucking exhausted, and I’ve finally hit my breaking point after all these years.

I’m the dumbest motherfuckeron the planet.

I should have told her sooner. I had all day yesterday to go over to her place and prepare us for what just happened.

God, the look on her fucking face. Everything she said was like a stab to a different part of my heart.

“I thought I could trust you.”

Those words are what killed me. Shecantrust me, but my slip-up to Brody was completely my fault. I was too fucking drunk, and I can’t even blame her for acting how she did.

I’m surprised she didn't slap me or something, but Ella had some sort of tunnel vision going on—I could see it in her eyes.

I have to fix this. Ihaveto, because hearing her say all that shit and seeing the tears fall from her face? Yeah, I never want to be the one to cause that ever again.

Once upon a time, I was becoming the guy she ran toward when things in her life were getting tough, and I thought we were turning the corner and opening a locked door we’ve never gone through.

I’m the only one to blame for keeping the lock on that door.

Never again will I cause Ella pain.

Never fucking again.

37

My Fatal Flaw

Hads: Ella, are you okay?

Paige: Are we still on for book club at your place tomorrow?

Hads: If you don’t answer, we’re coming over there.

Paige: It has been a while since we’ve heard from you and we’re worried!

Grant: Ells, we need to know you’re okay.

Grant: Please.

Oliver: If you’re dead, I’m killing you.

Paige: Oliver! Don't say that

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