Page 104 of Reconciling With the Rival

“Well, it is what you always do, isn't it?”

“No, it’s not. That’s what you’ve always assumed I would do since you’ve met me.” Leo stands and towers over my chair. “Why have you always assumed that? Why did you judge who I was before you actually knew me?”

I shake my head at him. “You made it so easy, Leo. With your same old attitude of being better than everyone else and the fact that you’ve never had to work hard for anything, it wasn't difficult to get a read on who you are.”

He jolts back as if I slapped him. “And that’s just it, Ella,” his voice is low as he whispers, “you assume I don’t work hard when all I’ve done my entire life is work hard to prove myself. You just choose to not see that.”

“You get preferential treatment because you're a man and your family has incredible connections. You got into our internshipwith one interview, and I had multiple rounds and other shit. What the fuck would you call that?”

“That wasn't my fault, Ella. The fuckers at our internship are to blame, but for some reason, you’ve always blamed me.”

Shit. I guess he’s right. “It always seemed easier for you. I was working a job in college while doing school full-time and the internship. I was fucking exhausted all the time, and it seemed easier to have someone to blame, and I’m sorry it was you.”

“Just because I carried it well doesn't mean it’s not heavy on my shoulders as I do.”

I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out. I can’t believe the real him was in front of me this entire time, and I was too blindsided by the fact that everything seemed easier for him than it was for me. I feel like a fucking idiot. I, of all people, should know people can carry invisible scars that don’t show up on the surface.

I’m a fucking professional at that. It’s how I survived growing up. It’s how I kept going when things seemed bleak as a kid. I smiled through the pain and faked it until I eventually made it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again. This is the first time we’re acknowledging the bickering between us, the first time I’ve truly apologized for assuming all this shit about him. I know better, yet somehow, I always refused to look past all our shit and see he wasn't the problem.

“I’m sorry too, Ella.” He sits back down and grabs one of my hands. “For pissing you off and pushing all your buttons. It’s really fucking fun for me.”

I slip my hand out of his as he laughs.

“In all seriousness, I’m sorry for hating you because you judged me so fucking quickly. I should’ve taken the time to show you who I really am rather than play these games with you.”

“It’s okay, Leo.”

And as the two of us sit and stare into each other's eyes, the low light of the conference room making his sparkle, I feel my stomach somersault.

I’m well and truly fucked, because I can’t seem to tear my gaze away from his, and I really want to kiss him right now. I don’t want to fuck him—I want to kiss him. I want to feel his lips against mine, and I can barely think straight.

“Uh, we should get back to work,” I tell him, the terror of whatever I’m feeling helping to shake me out of his fucking spell.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says as he gets up, walking to the other side of the table and grabbing a proposal to read. I pick one up, but I suddenly can’t focus on any of the words on the page.

The conference room isn't the only thing between us anymore, because I have feelings for Leo Zimmerman, real fucking feelings that make my skin crawl thinking about them for too long.

When did he go from someone I couldn't stand to someone I wish I had more of?

Lizzie: Mom told me you don’t want to meet for dinner.

Lizzie: What happened between you guys?

Ella: She called me and it didn't go well. I’m sorry, Liz. I just can’t.

Lizzie: You said you would do this for me, Ella. You’re telling me you won’t even give her one night?

Ella: You don’t get it, sis. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for walking out on us.

Lizzie: She’s changed, Ella. And if you don’t even want to try having her in your life, then maybe you should stop coming back here. It’s not like you didn't leave us too.

Ella: You don’t mean that, Lizzie. I know you don’t. One day, you’ll understand my side of things.

Lizzie: I’ll never understand why you can’t even give her a chance.

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