Page 43 of A Little Campfire Blues

“I’ve heard of that,” I said. “I forget what they call the baby, but I know there is a term for a child who is conceived to save another child.”

“Savior baby,” Axis said. “And yeah, that’s exactly what I am.”

“I see,” I said.

“Well, I don’t,” Roman declared. “I need you to spell it out a little better. Are you saying that they harvested your blood and stuff when you were a kid?”

“Cord blood and everything, at least according to my mom,” Axis explained. “They harvested a bunch of eggs from my mom and used genetic testing and in-vitro fertilization to implant the one that was a genetic match for my brother. Me. It gave Ander the best chance at survival, and look how well it worked out; he made it all the way to the NFL.”

“And became a raging dick along the way,” Roman spat.

I shot him a look that I hoped he’d interpret the way I intended. I could understand him being upset, since he’d have firsthand knowledge of the brother’s behavior, but I needed him to tone it down a little before Axis shut down on us.

“You know what jock culture is like,” Axis said, shoulder flexing beneath my chin as he shrugged it.

“Oh my god, if you defend them one more time, I’m going to be the one to put you over my knee, and I guarandamntee you won’t enjoy it!” Ezzy snarled, the outrage in their voice unmistakable.

They wasn’t even trying to look at me, so shooting them a look would be utterly useless. Ezzy glared at Axis and caressed his cheek as Axis cupped his hand to keep it pressed there while he nuzzled against it.

“I don’t mean to defend them,” Axis said. “I just don’t want to hate them, and I don’t want you guys to hate them or Ander.”

“Which is another reason you never told us,” Roman surmised.

“Pretty much,” Axis admitted. “I always thought that if I could do something truly spectacular, like with my band, that I could measure up to Ander and show them that I was more than just the spare parts they’d needed to keep Ander alive. I thought I could make them see me as something separate from the fear and the pain they went through, and when that happened, I just knew they’d fall in love with me and everything would be okay.”

“But it wouldn’t have been okay if we hated them, because then you wouldn’t get the perfect scene you’d built in your head,” Ezzy murmured, huffing as they scooted closer and pressed their forehead to Axis’s chest. “I think I understand now. You saw the way our families were and how any of us was always welcomed and made to feel like a member of the family when we visited each other’s houses, and you wanted that too. I can’t blame you for that.”

Ezzy’s fingertips scraped over my abs as they snaked a hand between us so they could hug Axis, the pair clinging to one another while Roman hugged them and I tried to hug the three of them and almost pulled it off. I got a hand on Roman’sshoulder, and that was about it, but I still felt like it connected the four of us together.

I nuzzled the back of Axis’ neck and spoke directly into his ear so there would be no chance of him misunderstanding me.

“From here on out, I only want you to be whoyouare and whoyouwant to be,” I growled. “You! Not who you think your parents want you to be, not who you were trying to be for them, and not who you think you need to be for anyone else, got it. You need to follow your heart so maybe you can start loving yourself the way we love you!”

“You can’t lo…” he began only to have me cut him off.

“You don’t ever get to tell anyone what they can or can’t feel; you don’t have the right,” I told him. “If you choose not to accept it or to keep your feelings to yourself, that’s your choice, and no one gets to tell you that you’re wrong. Every individual gets to define time and what’s right for them in their own manner, even in a relationship, so shut it.”

I heard his teeth clack a little as he snapped his lips closed.

“Now, as I was saying, it’s time for you to let go of other people’s expectations and be true to yourself. If you want something, be honest enough to ask for it; if you’re afraid of something, be honest enough to admit it; and if you’re worried about something, then goddammit, ask questions to get clarification rather than sitting around anxious and confused. Your feelings matter, joyful ones and the dark ones too, so stop trying to bury them, stop trying to sabotage what has the potential to be a beautiful situation for all of us, and for fuck’s sake, stop trying to make yourself the odd man out ‘cause none of us are ever gonna allow that!”

I felt his breath hitch before he whimpered and let out a sob he muffled against Ezzy’s shoulder. We held him as he cried. I hoped purging some of the emotions he held so tightly leashedinside would help him start to heal and feel better about the man he was and the sweet, sweet little he kept buried inside.

Chapter Seventeen

Axis

The storm ushered in two days of heat and sunshine, which we spent mostly on the lake, relaxing on the floating island, swimming, diving, and lazing about all day, before retreating to the cabin for movies, playtime, and story time with Daddy Mack reading to us.

Daddy Mack.

In my head I could say it without feeling a twinge of fear and uncertainty, but I still felt cautious about saying it out loud and accepting everything he was still trying to offer me. He was right, though. I’d never be able to trust in his feelings if I couldn’t see any worth in myself. I knew I was gonna struggle with that for a while. I’d been struggling with it all my life.

Tonight, we were inside, with Thor on and a crate of Marvel action figures we’d emptied on the floor to divide between us.

“Daddy gets to be Thor!” Ezzy declared. “Since he looks a little like Thor, especially when he gets fierce and frownie.”

“Daddy wouldn’t have to get fierce or frownie if a certain little Sparkle Butt wouldn’t scare Daddy half to death hurtling off things, or in this case, letting someone fling him in some crazy human cannonball contraption. You better believe that camp management made those littles dismantle that thing and promise not to build anything like it during the remainder of their time here.”

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