Page 34 of A Little Campfire Blues

“That was the night the band decided to make Bowie the lead guitarist over me,” I admitted. “It just drove home for me that I’d always come in second, no matter what I did or how hard I tried. It was already that way at home. To have it be like that with the band, or think about you doing it too, it just pissed me off that I could never be enough for anyone.”

“But you were. You are still everything to me. I never stopped wanting you, Axis. I’ve always loved you, even when I was pissed as hell.”

Huffing, I closed my eyes because now there were tears threatening to fall from them, and we couldn’t both just stand there crying. Some other group was liable to come along eventually and think we were upset because we’d gotten lost, and then what the hell were we supposed to say? That we were crying because I was an idiot who had a hard time accepting that anyone could really and truly love me? Yeah, how pathetic would that be?

My whole life I’d watched my brother get all the hugs, all the attention, and all the praise, while I’d been left watching and wondering why they hadn’t bothered to just give me away oncethey were finished with me. There had to be some place to dump off unwanted genetic material, ‘cause that’s all I’d ever fucking been to them.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Ezzy’s hands on my cheeks startled me for a moment. My eyes flew open to see that our faces were inches apart. They wouldn’t let me duck my head, so I settled for lowering my gaze to stare at the rose quartz heart pendant they’d put on this morning.

“Axis?” They growled. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Sighing, I decided to finally just come out and tell him the one thing I’d never let either of them know when we were growing up.

“You know how my folks were with my brother and the way they were with me,” I muttered.

“They were assholes when it came to you. Sorry, not sorry for putting it so bluntly, but they were.”

“Yeah, I know. You don’t have to be sorry for stating the obvious,” I said. “What I never wanted to tell you guys was why they treated me that way.”

“Don’t try to excuse it.”

“I’m not excusing it,” I explained. “I just...they never wanted a second kid.”

“Okay, but they had one, and they should have treated you just as well as they did your brother.”

“It’s because of my brother that they had me,” I said. “I was a savior, baby. My brother was really sick when he was a kid, so they had me so they’d have a genetic match for him. Once he wasn’t sick anymore, they were stuck with this kid they didn’t know what to do with and didn’t really have any interest in. The shitty part is that I get it, and I’m glad that my being born was able to save his life. I just wish that once they were through harvesting what they needed, they’d have given me to someone who’d have loved me, ‘cause it really sucked watching them spoilmy brother and lavish all their time, attention, and affection on him when I’d have loved some too.”

They gasped, hands flying to their lips, covering them as tears spilled over, a mix of horror and pity on their face that I’d never wanted to see.

“Now you see why I didn’t tell you guys.”

They shook their head, even as tears coursed down their cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Stomping their foot, their features morphed into one of outrage and fury.

“Fuck that, you have nothing to be sorry for! Nothing. I wish you’d told us back then. Oh my god, Axis, that’s shitty. And the fact that you can’t see how shitty it is, that’s even shittier. You saved his life, and that’s how they choose to treat you? That’s bullshit! That’s beyond bullshit! That’s one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard. How fuckin’ dare they! Oh my god, I better not run into them when I get back home.”

“It doesn’t matter now. We’re grown up, and I rarely bother with them unless I’m summoned home for something, which isn’t often. So please, just let it go.”

They huffed at that and crossed their arms. “Fine, I won’t say anything, but I will glare my fiercest glare and hope like hell it unnerves them. You have to give me that much, at least.”

“You can glare,” I relented and found myself engulfed in their embrace.

“Roman and I will just have to love you enough for them and everyone else who's ever treated you poorly,” they said. “And if Mackenzie winds up becoming our daddy, then I know he’ll shower love and affection on you, too, the way they should have done.”

I tried to smile at that, but it was hard, because thinking about my folks and the reason for my birth always hurt; another reason this was the first time I’d openly spoken of it.

“I like him a lot,” I admitted, hoping for a subject change. “I love the way he fixed it so Roman could play with us yesterday.”

“Me too. I didn’t expect him to spend all his time helping us. He never even cast his line.”

“Because I was too little.”

“There’s no such thing as being too little. You can’t control how far you regress. I’m glad you were able to get into the headspace you needed to in order to cut loose and enjoy yourself. Besides, it makes me feel like an older sibling.

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