Page 24 of A Little Campfire Blues

“Awe, you look adorable,” Axis said as I took in the colorful characters all over them, wondering if they’d matched any of their other outfits to the activities in the itinerary we’d been provided when we’d registered for camp.

They spun, showing off the outfit from every angle, right down to the matching cap they had tucked in their back pocket.

“Why aren’t you guys dressed yet?” They asked.

I could tell the moment they started picking up on the vibe in the room, because the big smile that had been on their face when they’d bounded in here had started drooping into the beginnings of a frown.

“Getting there,” Axis said, heading for his bathroom with those cutoff shorts in his hand. “Be ready in a moment.”

“You should wear what you want to wear,” I encouraged. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that there are still tags on all your little outfits. Why haven’t you ever worn them? I know you go to Splendid Delights every Saturday night. I thought you were playing.”

Axis paused in the doorway of his bathroom and slowly turned around to face us.

“Sometimes,” he muttered, shrugging as he clutched those shorts.

Something caught my eye, and when it did, I couldn’t unsee the anarchy sign he’d scribbled on the thigh of his shorts in several different colored permanent markers back in high school. It shouldn’t have shocked me that he still had them; he’d loved that pair. But I was confused about why he wasn’t taking the opportunity to wear one of the custom outfits he’d selected from a website that catered to littles and pets.

“Sometimes?” I repeated, shooting him a pointed look.

“Okay, so maybe it was more like two or three times where I actually played, and the rest of the time I spent watching.”

“The way you plan to do today,” I said as I crossed the room, trying to get him to meet my gaze.

“Just having a hard time getting into the right headspace is all,” he muttered as I reached to brush his hair back from his cheek.

The wind had made a tangled mess of it in places, and my fingers snarled in it when I tried to comb it back in place.

“I had to really talk myself into putting this on,” Ezzy admitted as they pressed against my side, brush in hand. “But the website said that this whole event is a safe space, and we should feel free to be ourselves and dress however we want to for the activities, and honestly, it’s been exhausting always toning myself down to fit what’s expected of someone my age.”

His words brought a small smile to Axis’ face, even as Ezzy moved around him so they could reach the messy strands of Axis’ hair and start running the brush over them.

“What can we do to help get you in the right headspace?” I asked, caressing his cheek so I could keep him from ducking his head again.

His answer, after several moments of hesitation, was simply to shrug and turn his head, nuzzling against my palm.

“This is already helping,” he murmured while Ezzy continued steadily brushing.

“Have you ever had a daddy?” Ezzy asked as silence descended between us.

“No,” Axis admitted, those moss green eyes of his shimmering with tears. “I could never stop wanting what we promised one another for long enough to let someone else take your place. I’ve had plenty of sex; people were always willing to fuck around with me, especially after a show, but there was never anyone I connected with in a way that came anywhere close to what we had. Guess I was just too stubborn to settle for less than what I’d always dreamed about.”

Huffing, I reached to card my fingers through Ezzy’s hair while they continued to brush Axis’ until it hung sleek and slippery down his back. That’s when they reached for a hair elastic and secured it in a ponytail.

“Want me to braid it for you?” Ezzy asked while Axis traced a fingertip over the logo on my T-shirt.

It wasn’t what I really wanted to wear today either, but fishing in leather headgear, a harness, and paws seemed like it would be hot, awkward, and potentially damaging to the gear. Besides, the fishing derby was supposed to be for the littles, with areas set up for those who regressed really young: one for net fishing and one with little plastic and metal fish for those using magnetic poles. They really had thought of something for all stages of regression when it came to planning each activity.

“Yes, please.”

In those two words, I detected a subtle shift in headspace, while in those expressive green eyes of his, I saw a note of hopefulness. While Ezzy started braiding, I continued caressing his cheek and letting him use me for a touchstone.

“Have either of you ever had a daddy or a caretaker?” he asked, sighing and letting some of the tension bleed out of his shoulders.

“I had a wannabe caretaker,” I admitted. “Until he realized I was headstrong, opinionated, and not thrilled with being used as a showpiece to boost his ego. I was still enlisted then too, so I was careful about the events I accompanied him to, which he didn’t like. Like I told you when we chatted, I go to Bend when I want to play, but that’s all I do is play in the pet room with the other pets. I’ve gotten the impression several times that some of the handlers think I’d be too much of a handful to take on, so they leave me be.”

“That’s shitty,” Ezzy blurted as their deft fingers finished weaving the braid before securing the bottom with another elastic.

“Really shitty,” Axis muttered, pressing his cheek more firmly against my hand.

---