Page 49 of The Village Cafe in the Loire

Becky felt a wave of sadness. ‘But she’s happy, I think.’

‘Yes. I expect she is, on a level. But…’ Maud shrugged. ‘Perhaps this isn’t the best subject to discuss right now.’

‘Go on. It’s OK.’ In fact, Becky was intrigued. It was years since she’d been able to talk to anyone else who knew her mother, properly; someone who knew the heart of her.

‘I was just going to say – it’s a shame that her happiness comes at the cost of those around her.’

‘Oh.’

‘You disagree?’

‘She’s my mum,’ Becky shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t say she’s cost me happiness. There are times when she could have been more thoughtful, maybe? But she is who she is, I guess.’

Maud nodded. ‘I don’t expect you to take sides,’ she said after a beat.

‘Thank you.’

‘I think Peter was the tonic she needed. She certainly softened a bit when they first met.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. They balanced each other out somewhat. Although they’d argue horribly sometimes.’

‘Oh. I don’t remember.’

‘You know, he’d wanted to come and live here for a bit? A sabbatical, he called it. He wanted to write a book, I think.’

‘Dad? Write?’

‘Yes. I think your mother was equally surprised. Engineers aren’t known for their creativity, after all. But your father had something… the stories he used to tell you at night-time. Off the top of his head! They were… I still remember some of them now.’

‘I do too…’ Becky hadn’t thought of those stories for years. The little trains and their funny little stations. The world he created with words. He never wrote anything down, yet could tell her stories for hours. ‘And Mum didn’t want to?’

‘You mustn’t blame Cynthia too much. We’re all a product of our upbringing. My sister – your grandmother – was the same. We had strict parents by today’s standards. But they wantedthe best for us. Things were different then. We needed to earn and they wanted a good life for us. It meant working hard; high expectations. All things that are quite admirable. And my sister, God rest her, only had the one child to focus on. I think she created quite an impossible situation for your mother.’

‘In what way?’

‘Well, your grandmother had a lot of regrets educationally; and she was frustrated in her work. She pushed Cynthia hard to save her from living the same life. And it worked, of course. She’s enormously successful. But it took its toll in other areas. And on you.’

‘Oh. I didn’t know that about Grandma.’ Becky’s grandmother had died before she was born. She’d never felt quite real to her.

‘She didn’t mean it. You have to remember that in those days, we didn’t know so much about child development.’

Becky nodded.

‘Anyway, at one point, when you were eight or nine, I think that your mother was warming to the idea of the move. Just a little.’

‘Really! Mum?’

‘Well, she loved your father. And she could see how much it meant to him.’ Maud smiled, remembering. Her eyes looked distant. She still clutched one of Becky’s hands in hers.

‘Yes.’

‘But when it came to it, I think she was too afraid.’

‘Of moving to a new country?’

‘That, yes. But mainly of letting go of what she had. It was – is perhaps still – her safety net, you see. Her evidence that she hasn’t let her mother down. I doubt she realises that even now.’

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