Page 24 of The Bordeaux Book Club

‘I can’t.’

‘What?’

‘I just can’t.’

She’d since wondered whether deep down, she’d known that something wasn’t right between them. That there wasn’t a true balance in their relationship. Whether their infertility and the stress of recent months had driven him further away.

She set a glass down on the drainer and reached for the next. This one – Alfie’s – still had wine in it and she poured it down the smaller sink, shaking her head at the waste, before dunking it under the warm, washing-up water.

It hadn’t been a love of France that had stopped her simply following Stephen back – although she had since fallen in love with the country. It had been the sudden realisation that in making his decision to quit the life they’d only just started, he had simply assumed she’d follow him wherever he went, whatever he decided. That her life wasn’t as important to him as his own.

She’d looked at him, her eyes fixed, firm. ‘I want to give this a proper go, Stephen. We’ve only just arrived. It’s beautiful here. We have enough money to live for maybe a couple of years without worrying about getting any sort of work. Why not make the most of it? We’re still relatively young. It could be a gap year at worst, and maybe the start of a new life at best.’ She’d looked pointedly at him. ‘And we don’t have to give up on… well, a family. Not yet.’

He’d shaken his head. ‘Darling, you don’t understand. The interview is with Grayling.’

Grayling was a multi-billion-pound capital fund, inhabiting the top floor of the building Stephen had worked in before. She knew that he’d sometimes dreamed of a job there.

‘I do understand,’ she’d said softly. ‘But can’t you see my point of view? After giving all that up – I’d… I just want to see what sort of life we can make out here. Whether it might be better. To properly live it.’

‘I just can’t,’ he’d said. ‘I made a mistake, and you know what I’m like. Once I’ve decided.’

‘But I’m your wife!’

‘I know.’

‘What aboutusdeciding? What about… what about me?’

His brow had furrowed. ‘Look, if it’s money you’re worried about, don’t be!’ he’d said. ‘I’ll earn enough to support us both, easily…’

‘But I gave up my job for this, Stephen. I have to at least…’

He’d snorted. ‘What, that thirty grand a year job that was wearing you out?’ he’d said. ‘Come on, Grace. Seriously? I’m willing to bet it wasn’t so hard for you to give that up. And in the unlikely event that we do become parents, you can put your feet up and I’ll bring home the bacon.’

And she’d known two things at that moment. That her husband didn’t understand her, her passion for teaching that went way beyond the salary; that her husband didn’t value either what she did or thought.

She’d taken a breath then looked up at him. ‘OK.’

‘OK?’

‘OK, you go,’ she’d said.

‘And…’

‘And I’m staying here.’

He’d looked astonished. ‘Come on, love. Seriously? You living out here on your own? In this place? I don’t think so.’

‘Why not?’

He’d shaken his head. ‘You like your home comforts. You’d be lonely, just for starters,’ he’d said. The hand had reached out again but again found hers unwilling to meet it. ‘Come on. You’d never have moved here if it wasn’t for me,’ he’d added. ‘This wasmyidea. You just followed.’

She’d felt her cheeks flush.

‘You don’t belong here any more than I do,’ Stephen had said, dismissively.

‘How do you know?’ she’d said. ‘You’ve insulted my job – which I happened to love. And yes, I did give it up, to come here for you. But I’m perfectly capable of living here without you. I’m perfectly capable of living a decent life here. And I don’t think we should give up on this without giving it a proper chance.’

‘Love…’

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