Page 71 of The Outsider

“Yeah, I know, you’re already regretting it,” Asha retorted, rolling her eyes. “Just so you know, they all make promises like that at first—telling you it’s going to be fine, that they’ll take care of everything. It’s a lie they use to lull you into a false sense of security.”

My patience wore thin. “Stop projecting. Look, clearly, I don’t know everything you’ve been through, because you won’t tell me. Butthis isn’t the same thing, and if you won’t let this go, then I don’t know how this is going to work. It’s not fair to anyone.”

There was a heavy silence, and Asha sighed.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just…I don’t know what to do. It’s a new place, new everything. I’m just a little overwhelmed. I wish we were home.”

“I don’t,” I replied, standing up. “And now, I’m going to go stand with my fiancé. You can join me, or you can stay here, but either way, leave John alone. This is a happy time for him. It can be for you, too, if you’d give it a chance.”

I stalked away. A few seconds later, to my surprise, Asha got to her feet and followed me out to the living room, plastering a look of neutral interest on her face. She even endured stilted small talk with Isla, who met us at the doorway.

“Everything okay?” John asked as he walked over.

I looked at Asha, who had a manic-looking grin on her face as Isla chattered away at her.Okay, it’s a little creepy, but it’s better…I think.

Kimmy appeared at her side and looped her arm through Asha’s. Asha relaxed a little at her touch.

“Yes,” I answered, taking John’s hand. “I think it is.”

Chapter 20

Claire

Acouple of days passed in a flurry of activity, with all of John and Kimmy’s friends coming and going from the Armstrong house, visiting other homesteads to get their support for the upcoming council meeting. Even though I knew they did it out of their love and gratitude toward John and Kimmy, I was still touched by their efforts. Isla visited again with Ely, and Kimmy and I enjoyed chatting with her at the fireside while John went hunting with Danny. I did everything I could to avoid thinking about the meeting, to live in the moment, but my heart was heavy at the end of each day, knowing that I was stuck in a painful limbo.

Finally, the morning of the meeting arrived, and my stomach remained in knots as I felt John stir next to me. We’d been camping out on the living room floor, lying in sleeping bags around the hearth. He yawned, stretched, then turned over to wake me, only to find my eyes already wide open.

“You’re up early,” he murmured, kissing my forehead.

“Didn’t sleep much,” I admitted. “Too nervous.”

“It’ll be alright, baby. I have a plan.”

He pulled me into him, cradling me against his warm body.

“I hope that plan includes telling me at some point,” I said, and he smiled.

“Give me time.”

He pecked my lips, disentangled himself from his sleeping bag, and got up. I heard Kimmy and Asha stirring as well. I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. Today, my fate would be decided, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a powerless feeling—one I’d been used to when I lived in the compound. I now found it hard to tolerate.

“If you want a shot at breakfast before those kids devour everything in sight,” John said with a small smile as he pulled on a shirt, “you should get up now.”

I sighed. There was no point delaying. I shivered at the chilly morning air as I got dressed.

Breakfast was a noisy, chaotic affair, with the four Armstrong children and six adults all crowded around the big table. We sat elbow-to-elbow, constantly bumping one another as we spread thick pats of butter onto toasted homemade bread, our plates already loaded with eggs and venison bacon. Jugs of milk, a large bowl of yogurt, and a jar of strawberry jam sat in the centre of the spread. I hadn’t eaten anything like this since I left the Cave, and every bite was pure heaven.

All around me, pleasant, familiar chatter ensued. Kimmy was talking animatedly to Maisie, the older Armstrong daughter, about her apparent recent interest in medicine. Sarah scolded Allie for eating her yogurt with her fingers, though her eyes shone with amusement. John spoke candidly to Bruce about repairs that might be needed at Summerhurst, with the older man offering to lend a hand wherever we might need help.

The wholesome picture of them all made my chest ache. I’d always known, in an abstract way, that this kind of home existed, but I had no frame of reference for it. I always felt on the outside looking in, green with envy and forever longing for those elusive gifts that ordinary people didn’t seem to know they possessed: love, belonging,family.The meeting today would determine if I could finally come in from the cold, or if I’d once again be staring through the glass at something I could never have.

I swallowed hard against the lump that had risen in my throat.Get a grip, I told myself sternly. I couldn’t afford to look weak.Nothing’s been decided yet.

Throughout the meal, there was one person who appeared visibly uncomfortable and apart from the rest: Asha. She spoke to no one, simply stared at her plate and glanced at me every so often, as if gauging if I felt as out of place as she did. Truthfully, I did, but I desperately wanted to carve out a place for myself here. I could only hope Asha felt the same.

After breakfast, we made the journey to the Lodge at the centre of the Valley. John had told me it was a large town hall, and the hub of all the Valley’s services. It housed the medical clinic where Kimmy worked, the schoolroom, the hall where council meetings were held, and a small command center for outriders.

When we arrived in front of what looked like a picture I’d once seen of an Old World ski lodge, there was already a crowd of vehicles and horses outside. I gulped, but John held my hand tightly in his as he led me up the steps and through an antechamber that led to a small lounge with sofas and chairs in front of a fireplace. A windowed door on the right wall was labeledCommand Centre, but it appeared dark and silent. In contrast, loud chatter came from an open set of double doors on the left.

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