Page 20 of Joy Guardian

“The new portal is opening in two days,” I reminded, thinking she must’ve forgotten with all the hustle and bustle in thesarai.

“Oh, right.” She nodded. “Only this would be the work of the Joy Vessel Keepers at Prince Rha’ssarai, not ours.”

“Why Prince Rha?”

The prince didn’t have asarai.

“The queen made her decision,” Sefri explained. “The new humans are meant for the prince. They won’t be coming to Kalmena but to Teneris. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to fetch some more rags and soap.”

She rushed off. Mechanically, I went after her through the gate and into the small plaza in front of thesarai. Here, I stopped, unsure where to go and what to do next.

The queen’s decision made sense. She didn’t need more Joy Vessels. In the four weeks since she’d acquired her current ones, Queen Abeille hadn’t visited hersaraieven once, showing no interest in the humans and their joy.

For several decades now, the queen had been mourning the death of her husband, who was brutally assassinated by a traitor. She didn’t change her habits of solitude and seclusion with the arrival of the humans to her palace.

Her relationship with Prince Rha, her only child and the heir to her throne, was strained. I believed they hadn’t even seen each other for years. Yet as the Crown Prince, he would be the next in line to form asaraiof his own. His mother might dislike him, but she couldn’t deny him the status he was born into.

It all made sense, and maybe the Master Guardian had accounted for such a possibility. Maybe there was a new plan in place already, one that did not involve me, or I would’ve been notified by now. Since there was no caravan going from Kalmena to the portal for the new humans, no Watchers would be coming here for the old ones.

It meant that Queen Abeille’s Joy Vessels weren’t going anywhere, at least not for the next four weeks.

I should be devastated by this realization. At the very least, I should get in touch with the Watchers and start preparations for the backup plan. But all I could think about was that I’d get to spend more time with Ciana, and the tight band of apprehension around my chest loosened, letting me breathe easier again.

Six

KURAI

Two more weeks had gone by. I got up early one night, right after sunset. Restlessness had been keeping me awake lately as the time of opening of the third and final portal to the human world was approaching.

After our last drawback, the Watchers realized we needed more help from the outside world. Overcoming their need for secrecy, they started recruiting outside of our small circle of the Joy Guardians. I heard someone even convinced the royal hag of Prince Rha to join our cause.

Less than two weeks from now, all the Joy Vessels were supposed to leave. And this time, to prevent the royal guards from bringing any more humans in, the portal was to be opened early, against the queen’s direct order, which was treason. We’d be punished severely for it. We were all going to die, but we knew it. We had all accepted death in the name of the Joy as our destiny. Yet I no longer felt the elation or the righteousness of it like I used to before.

“What harm is there in enjoying a spoonful of rice?”Ciana’s words echoedin my ears.

After having thought about it all this time, I had to admit, the answer to her question was simple—there was no real harm to anyone. The world wouldn’t cease to exist if I connected to her. Tasting her joy wouldn’t hurt her in any way. As long as my actions didn’t harm our Source of Joy directly, I probably wouldn’t even break my vow of the Joy Guardian.

The betrayal would be all in my head.

But that didn’t make it any less of a betrayal.

It felt like my faith would be soiled if I tasted joy outside of our Source. But maybe my devotion had been compromised already? Why else would a human woman occupy so much of my time and so many of my thoughts? I should be spending my life in reflection and prayer. It was so easy to do before. But now, all I thought about was Ciana.

I tried to stick to our schedule and not come to thesaraibefore dinner. With all the preparations for the next step of our mission now complete, including the backup plan, there was no need for me to visit thesarairegularly anymore.

But I couldn’t even wait until dinnertime. I quickly ate my midnight meal and showed up at thesarairight after.

Sefri greeted me at the gate, then shocked me by telling me that Ciana wasn’t there.

“Joy Vessel Ciana is joining the Royal Council for the midnight meal tonight,” she announced, beaming with pride. “All Joy Vessels of Her Majesty, Queen Abeille, are now fit to fulfill their purpose. Please allow me to express my gratitude for all the work you have done for it, Joy Guardian.”

It felt like she had jammed a spear of ice right through my chest. I didn’t know how I managed to remain calm and even found the words to congratulate her on that achievement. But I knew if I yelled or punched someone like I wished to do, I’d never be allowed to see Ciana ever again, not even to say goodbye.

Instead, I told Sefri I’d come by in the morning as usual instead.

I spent the rest of the night trying to understand why itdevastated me to learn that Ciana was having meals with someone else, that she was sharing her joy with someone who wasn’t me. And the only answer I could come up with was because I selfishly, unreasonably, dangerously wished for her to be mine.

I wanted all her time spent with me, all her meals shared with me, and all pleasure saved for me, even if I’d never even tasted it.

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