Page 75 of Rome: The Ballerina

“I don’t see that for myself. I can’t sit down long enough to plan a wedding. Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought in the last two years. We’ve both been advancing in our careers.”

Repulsed by her explanation, I tried concealing my truest feelings.

“The last two weeks have been tough. I feel like I’m fucking up every time I turn around. He doesn’t ask for much. Everything is simple, just like Saint. He’s such a deserving guy, but it’s so hard fulfilling my role sometimes. Work is hard enough. I’m trying to secure a role on stage. Not in his life. And, that’s ripping us a part, I fear.

“It’s been over a week since he’s touched me. The last time we tried was a little over a week ago and he struggled to keep it– you know–”

“I don’t,” I admitted.

“Up–” she rushed out, sipping from her drink. Her face turned a shade of crimson.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I just feel like I’m failing him. He’s failing me. We’re failing each other. And, we love each other too much to part ways.

“He’s been my best friend all my life. Breaking his heart is not an option for me. I love him. Beyond this relationship. Beyond this ring,” she mentioned, bringing my attention to the rock that was weighing her finger down.

Saint had done well.

“He's had so much on his mind lately. I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking about all the things I’m not doing in our relationship.Ugh. He’s almost too perfect for me.You know?He is so disciplined. So loyal. I can’t even stop myself from staring at the damn bodyguard. Being a girl is hard,” she complained.

Being with a man that doesn’t belong to you is hard, Aliza. Let’s not blame that on womanhood.

“When we were teenagers, we talked about our lives in the future and how we’d probably work out if it never worked between anyone else. He knew he was going to the league. Groupies didn’t interest him. Never had. He wanted something real. We made a pact… Well, he made a promise to come find me if he wasn’t in a committed relationship.

“He promised to give us a try in hopes of marrying me and sharing children. Mainly because he would know that our love was genuine and not because of his status or fortune. When he turned twenty-four, he was at my doorstep with flowers. We dated for a year before he dropped to his knee and asked me to be his wife.”

“I agreed. But, now it feels like our paths are just not aligned. But, undoubtedly, I know he’s the best person I’ll ever find. The safest, so I want us to work.Most days. He keeps my worries at bay. He’s not a cheater. An abuser. A manipulator. He’s as real as they come.”

She shook her head.

“I’m dropping all of this information on you–ugh. I’ve totally overshared. I’m probably going to regret running you off all night, but fuck it. I don’t have any girlfriends to talk to. It’s work. Home. Work. Home. Sorry I ran off like that.”

The waitress appeared.

“Is there anything I can get for you ladies?”

I nodded. “Yes. A glass of water, please.”

“I ordered water because you said you don’t drink.”

“Thank you,” I told her and turned back to the waitress. “Water, please.”

“Coming right up. Would you like anothe–”

“Yes. Another one of these.”

“I’ll be back with those.”

“Thank you,” Aliza said.

She finished off her drink and pushed the glass to the edge of the table.

“Anyway, I’m so rude. You have the floor now.” She chuckled. “I feel like I’ve taken up all of your time.”

“You’re fine.”

“Now, what’s on your mind.”

“I respect your efforts, trying to cultivate a friendship… a bond of some sort. But, I can’t be your friend, Aliza.”

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