Page 81 of Rome: The Ballerina

“Seriously?”

I nodded.

“That’s it?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where this is coming from suddenly? I haven’t heard you mention our wedding since the fourth month of our engagement.”

“Well, it’s been on my mind lately. Has it not been on yours?”

“It hasn’t,” I admitted. “Not lately.”

“Oh, wow,” she scoffed. “You said that so– I don’t know.”

“Would you have rather I lied?”

“No, but damn.”

I shrugged.

“I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just not in the headspace to discuss a wedding I’ve been planning alone in my head for three years. Every time I’ve brought the conversation to your attention, you’ve deflected. Now that you’re ready to begin planning, my head is elsewhere. I’m not trying to do this tonight, Aliza.”

She pursed her lips and nodded her head, sarcastically.

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Get you to eat your food.”

“And what about marrying me? Are you even still trying to do that? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

I didn’t respond. The question had taken me by surprise. While my goal was clear for the night, I didn’t want Aliza trying to digest the new information I had for her on an empty stomach. I wasn’t sure how many days would pass before she was sitting in front of solid food again. I’d spent the last hour and a half in the kitchen making sure she filled her belly. My effort was in vain.

“Saint. I asked you a question.”

I rubbed my hand down my face, ending with the hair on my chin.

“Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?”

I exhaled.

“Do you still plan on marrying me?”

I gnawed on my bottom lip before adjusting my posture, again. My throat cleared with a rapid grunt.

“Aliza, had you asked me that two years ago, without hesitation, the answer would’ve been yes. Had you asked me that a year ago, I would’ve said I’m ready when you are. But,now that you’re asking me today– three years after I got on one knee and asked you to share a life with me, I can’t give you a genuine yes. A definite yes. A confident yes. A truthful yes. So many parts of it would be a lie.”

Her face fell flat. Her mouth slackened and her eyes swelled on her face.

“Are you serious right now?”

“I am,” I confessed.

“What has changed suddenly?”

“Everything, Aliza. And, this change wasn’t sudden. It was gradual.”

“And you never thought to say anything?”

“You’ve known it all along. What was there to say? You put our relationship on the backburner for the last two and a half years to advance in your career.”

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