Page 6 of Rome: The Ballerina

“N– not an option, Balle.”

“I know,” I admitted, tapping my earphones to resume my playlist.

The group of young, Black, and successful professionals was large. Chemistry’s request for security during the run wasn’t baffling. Not in the least. I understood.

This was out of my comfort zone. This was out of his comfort zone. And neither of my sisters were running beside me. His back was against the wall.

The long, dark-skinned man, who I assumed was the orchestrator of the weekly event, began yelling over the crowd, giving simple instructions to everyone in attendance. My playlist continued running. I’d studied the run club for three weeks.There wasn’t anything coming out of his mouth that was new information to me.

I’d gone over the map. I’d run the route twice. I’d gathered details. I’d taken notes. I was ready.

As he continued to speak, I pulled one arm across my chest to begin my stretches. Once it popped, I switched arms and repeated the process. I placed both hands on my hips and began rotating them to open them up in preparation for full stride.

With my legs shoulder-width apart, I leaned forward and grabbed hold of my sneakers. I pushed my right shoulder blade leftward and then the left one rightward.

“Mmmm.”

Satisfaction comforted me. As I straightened my spine, preparing to squat, a whiff of sweet musk inflated my nostrils. My eyebrows cinched forward, gathering near the center of my forehead. My cheeks flattened with hunger. My throat ached from thirst. Suddenly, I was famished, and food didn’t meet the requirements of my craving.

Completely deterred by the pleasant fragrance, I lowered my butt toward the ground.

Careful.

Careful.

My equilibrium had been altered. Falling on my behind was certainly a possibility at this point. Falling forward onto my face was as well.

Good.

I extended my left leg and pushed my body toward the right. I, then, extended my right leg and pushed my body toward the left. The aroma intensified.

My God.

A vast presence surrounded me. Though silent, it was consuming. I closed my eyes, attempting to collect myself. Asharp inhale and delayed exhale proved that it wouldn’t be so simple.

The words of the song playing through my earbuds blended into beautiful, unrecognizable melodies. I couldn’t understand a single lyric of the song. I wasn’t even sure what was playing, although I’d carefully curated the playlist over three weeks. I knew every track and exactly where it was on the list. Right now, I knew nothing.

My chest tightened as the knots formed in my heart. The pleasurable pain was the most profound feeling I’d experienced in my twenty-four years of life. I stood upright, pressing my palm against my crewneck, hoping to settle the aches. There was no use.

It hurts.

It hurts so good.

My conclusion didn’t come without evidence. Neither did it come without a culprit. As my lids separated, I was met by the menace. The offender. The malefactor. My transgressor.

The sight of him made my stomach turn. A yearning beyond explanation was born in the pits of me. The deep parts. The dark parts where it was impossible for light to reach.

How he’d reached them wasn't perplexing to me. I’d seen him over a hundred times in my dreams. His presence, however, was mystifying. It felt as cryptic as it felt inevitable. As bemusing as it was enlightening. As puzzling as it was clear. As real as it was make-believe.

But his face–

His voice–

It was all a mystery. It didn’t matter how many times I encountered him, they remained unseen and unheard. Yet, his presence sufficed. It always did. Even now, before words were exchanged. Before his handsome, unfathomable face cleared in the small distance between us.

My God. I gasped, taking him in at once and overdosing simultaneously.

Closing my eyes, I savored the magnetic energy. I’d fallen victim to it at least twice a month, every month since the tender age of ten. Again. And, again. And, again.

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