Page 168 of Rome: The Ballerina

I shook my head. Speed didn’t interest me. I didn’t have the energy or desire. One foot in front of the other, I began my journey home. No rush. No rules. Just liberation. Total. Complete liberation.

My legs didn’t stop moving until I was in my bedroom, holding onto the handle of my bathroom door, trying my hardest to collect my thoughts. Pain soared through me. Paralyzing me. My knees hit the floor. My heart fell with it.

The flicker of light in my bedroom was startling. My eyes quickly adjusted to the brightness. Once my vision cleared, Irecognized the long, slim frame standing against the wall across the room.

Hands folded.

Face null of emotion.

He stared.

“Teddy–” I gasped.

“How did it feel?”

He knew. He always knew. His wisdom was both a gift and a curse.

“So natural. So instinctive. Like it was always meant to happen. Like it was exactly who I was born to be.”

Honesty unloaded the baggage I’d been carrying. While I wasn’t as sharp or as convicted as Teddy or Rugs, I was just as capable. Protecting me from the lifestyle they’d happily participated in almost meant nothing the moment I was faced with the decision to kill or not kill. Now that I had, I felt nothing. Nothing for the deceased, but everything for me. The child I would never get to hold in my arms. And, the struggles my body endured since I returned to Clarke.

“Maybe it is, but it is not who you have to be. It’s not who I will allow you to be. She was mine, Rome. I was there. I was ready to end it for her myself, because that’s what I am here for. Use me, baby. Don’t live a life of regret and mental turmoil. Once you take a l–”

“I feel nothing,” I assured him. “Nothing.”

He stared at me, eyes saddened and emotions in a place I had never seen in them before. On his sleeves. In his posture. He remained silent, attempting to compose himself. However, he was already exposed.

“I, too, am a killer,” I admitted.

“Don’t say that, baby,” he pleaded.

“There’s no denying it,” I exclaimed. “It’s in my blood. It’s in me. It has been since conception. Suppression was a blessingfrom you both. You and our father. But, Chem, I couldn’t avoid it at that moment. I became who I truly am–even if only for a second.”

“That’s not you,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“It’s not,” I agreed, “Not before and not even now. But, at that moment–”

“There won’t be another moment.”

“I feel like I’ve disappointed you.”

Silence.

Teddy inhaled. His chest rose. And, then, it slowly deflated.

He shook his head. “You hurt me right here,” he explained, pointing to his heart. “But, it’s not you I’m disappointed in. It’s me.”

“Te–”

“Range is cleaning your mess as we speak. Don’t make another one.”

“What choice was I given?”

“None. But, that’s not a suggestion, baby. It is an order. Don’t break my heart three times. I won’t be able to stand it.”

“She broke mine!”

“And she got exactly what she deserved. I just wish it didn’t have to be at your hands.”

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