Page 74 of Knot Gonna Give You Up

“Did you, or did you not promise me that we were going to figure this shit outtogether? That we would talk about Pack stuff and work it outtogether.”

“Um, yes, I did promise that,” I admit, dreading whatever she has to say next.

She moves again, pacing as she talks, “Did I or did Inottell you I have trust issues? That I stop putting my trust in people too easily?”

“Yeah, Jojo, you did,” I say, my voice tight with emotion.

“Then what the actual FUCK, Jesse?”

I lean forward and put my forearms on my knees, clasping my hands in front of me. My eyes stay locked on her, and I’m unwilling to look away. She needs me to see and hear this, so I will. Even though it feels like shit to hear how mad she is. Mybody tenses, ready for more of her verbal blows. The natural instinct to get defensive rises, and I try my best to tamp it down.

“Ineededyou, Jesse! Do you know how awful a heat is when you’ve met your Match and they leave you hanging? No, I suppose you don’t,” she waves me off, even though I haven’t replied.

Her eyes look glossy, like she’s holding tears back, but I don’t think she would appreciate me trying to hug her right now. My hands clasp each other harder, and I refrain from attempting to comfort her. Josie needs to get this out and my dumb ass probably needs to hear it.

“I went through my heat disoriented and confused. Something was missing the entire time. It’s like eating a chocolate chip cookie without any chocolate chips in it! Yeah, it’s a cookie, but something isn’t right.Twoof my Alphas abandoned me the moment shit got serious. You guys were fine to watch the pre-show, but when we got to the main event, you both bailed.

“You haveno ideahow much that fucks with me. I’ve had enough flings to understand rejection. Do you think I wasn’t scared to go through my heat? Do you think I wasn’t nervous about bonding? OF COURSE I WAS! But I trusted my Matches, like you should have trusted me.”

Josie has tears running down her face now, a slow, steady stream as she lays into me. Belatedly, I realize there are some on mine as well. As she talks, I try to open myself to her pain, and I can see it plain as day now. I’ll never fully feel what she does, how could I? The full repercussions of my cowardice finally hitting me.

“Jos—” I start, but she cuts me off with a glare.

We stare at each other for a moment, and I tentatively restart.

“Jojo…” She looks more approving at the nickname. “Words will never be enough to make things right. If you give me half a chance, I’d love to be a servant to you. Do whatever you tell me to do, act however you want me to act.”

Standing, I cautiously move the few feet between us and kneel down in front of her. In terms of dominance, Alphas are always at the top. It’s just how we’re made. Now, though, I’m giving her my subservience, kneeling and exposing my neck to her to show her that she’s in charge here. Not me. It’s a primal gesture, and based on the widening of her eyes, Josie understands it.

“Stop,” she says softly.

I shake my head stubbornly, “No, I can’t stop Jojo. I can’t stop until I’ve made things right. Being part of a Pack fucking terrifies me, I’m so used to being alone that it sounds suffocating. Being without you, though? That’s pure fucking torture and if there’s any chance of getting you back, I will take it.”

Her tears start fresh, running down her face, “You never lost me.”

“I came too damn close to it. If you hadn’t called today, I’m sure I would have been chasing you down sooner rather than later.”

“What if I don’t want you to? What if I want you to leave me be?” she challenges.

The words spear my chest with pain, but I know she needs to hear my answer. She needs my assurance, and I’m happy to give it to her. In her own style.

“I’m never gonna give you up,” I tell her.

Her lips quirk.

“Never gonna let you down,” I continue.

“Never gonna run around?”

I shake my head, “Or desert you. Not again.”

She smiles, as I’d hoped she would, her love of 80s music shining through. Her face sobers, though, as another thought hits her.

“What if I’m not ready for a full bond any time soon? What if I’m too scared?” she asks.

“Then I will wait as long as it takes. I will support and love you from the side for as long as you let me, until you accept me or send me away. Even if you send me away, though, I’ll still look out for you. You’re it for me, Jojo.”

She kneels down in front of me, placing her hands on either side of my face, “Never gonna make me cry?”

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