Page 63 of Wisteria and Cloves

I turned the journal over in my hands, considering his words. "What would I even say to a therapist? Where would I start?"

"Wherever feels right," Nicolaus replied. "They're trained to help you find the beginning threads and follow them at your own pace. No judgment, no timeline, no expectations beyond your own comfort."

The idea still felt foreign, but coming from Nicolaus—practical, logical Nicolaus—it seemed less like an indictment of my mental state and more like...a practical tool for healing," I finished, understanding dawning on me. "Like physical therapy for emotional injuries."

"Exactly," Nicolaus said, his approval evident. "You wouldn't expect a broken bone to heal properly without medical attention. Psychological wounds deserve the same care and expertise."

I nodded slowly, the analogy making sense in a way that reduced the stigma I'd always associated with therapy. "Would... would you help me find someone? I don't even know how to look for a good therapist."

"Of course," Nicolaus replied immediately. "I have several colleagues who specialize in trauma recovery. I can provide you with a few options, and you can choose who feels right for you."

The relief of having someone guide me through this process made my shoulders relax slightly. "Thank you. I think... I think I'd like to try it."

Nicolaus nodded, a hint of warmth spreading across his typically analytical features. "I'm proud of you for considering it. Many people resist therapy because they've been taught that needing help is somehow shameful."

"My mother would be horrified," I admitted, a small, rebellious smile tugging at my lips.

"Which might be the best recommendation for it," Nicolaus replied with a rare flash of humor.

We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the journal warm in my hands, the folder a reassuring weight on my lap. Outside, night had fully fallen, and the soft glow of the bedside lamp created a cocoon of warm light around us. Maybe healing wouldn’t be as scary as I thought it would be with them besides me as I do this.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lilianna

Ilooked at myself in the mirror, my hair down and in one of the simple dresses I owned, a muted green. Today was the day I went to the doctor. I had taken the rest of the night after Nicolaus left to add things into the document. I didn’t add much, but maybe I could add more as time went by. It was morning now and I hadn't left my room, but knew that I should.

I took a deep breath, clutching the kintsugi stone in my pocket for courage, and opened my bedroom door. The hallway was quiet, morning sunlight filtering through the windows at the far end. The house smelled of coffee and something that might have been pancakes, warm and inviting scents that made my stomach flutter with a mixture of hunger and nerves.

My bare feet were silent on the hardwood as I made my way downstairs, following the gentle sounds of conversation fromthe kitchen. I paused at the doorway, suddenly uncertain. What if they were discussing me? What if they'd decided overnight that I was too much trouble?

"Good morning, Lilianna," Julian's voice was warm as he looked up from his coffee, immediately dispelling my anxious thoughts. "You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep anymore," I admitted, hovering at the threshold. Christopher turned from the stove with a bright smile, his face lighting up at the sight of me.

"Perfect timing! I was just finishing the pancakes." He gestured toward the counter where a stack of golden pancakes sat waiting. "I made extra, hoping you might join us this morning."

"You don't have to keep making special food for me," I said quietly, though the gesture warmed something deep in my chest.

"It's not special food," Miles interjected from his seat at the table, looking up from what appeared to be seed catalogs. "It's just food. That we happen to enjoy sharing with people we care about."

Nicolaus appeared in the doorway behind me, already dressed in a crisp shirt and tie, his hair still damp from his morning swim. "Good morning. Are you ready for your appointment today?"

My stomach clenched with anxiety at the reminder. "I think so, Just nervous.”

"That's completely understandable," Nicolaus said, his voice carrying that calm reassurance I was learning to rely on. “Dr, Chen specializes in Omega care. So we can see about the suppressants or anything else you would need.”

"I've scheduled time to accompany you," Julian said, pulling out a chair for me at the table. "Unless you'd prefer to go alone, of course. We can have a driver take you if that is what you prefer."

The offer sent a wave of relief through me. "You'd come with me?"

"If you'd like," Julian nodded, his expression warm but neutral. "No pressure either way."

I settled into the chair, grateful for its solid support as my knees suddenly felt weak. "I would like that. Thank you."

Christopher placed a plate of pancakes before me, complete with fresh berries and what looked like real maple syrup. "Eat up. Doctor's appointments are always better faced on a full stomach."

"These look amazing," I murmured, picking up my fork. The first bite melted in my mouth, sweet and buttery with a hint of vanilla. "They taste even better."

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