Page 17 of Forgotten Dreams

“I haven’t decided, to be honest,” I tell him. They bought me that house as a graduation present. Both of them making sure that everything was perfect before handing me the brown box with the keys tied to a white ribbon.

“For now, it’ll just sit there, and I can always come and spend half the time here when I—” I stop, not ready to say the rest just yet. Needing to have a little bit more courage for that. I suddenly wish I had taken maybe a shot of tequila before coming here.

“At least you’ll have Lilah there for you,” my mother offers softly. “She’s always been such a good friend to you.”

“She has, and it’s about twenty minutes from her, so that will be fun. Especially with the baby on the way,” I agree, picking up my coffee again when my mouth feels like it’s getting dry. I brace for the impact of my next words.

“Well, we can’t wait to visit,” my mother says, looking over at my father, who is still just looking at me. “Right?”

“Yeah,” he agrees and smiles over at her, “I can’t wait.” He picks up his cup of coffee.

“When are you moving?” my mother asks me, finally taking a spoonful of her yogurt.

“By the end of the week,” I relay, and her eyes go big.

“So soon?” she says when she swallows. “That’s so fast.” She blinks furiously, and I know she’s fighting back tears.

“I have a break in my schedule.” Another lie. I had to email everyone and ask for a couple of days’ extension. I’ll be doing most of the packing at night, but I know I’ll have to take a couple of days off to get to the house and then unpack some of my stuff. “So I thought I might as well do it when I’m not on a deadline or anything.”

“That makes sense.” She smiles. “But still, it seems so fast. Do you need help packing?”

“Not really,” I tell her. “I’m just going to pack my bedroom and stuff, and then see how I settle in before I move the whole house there.” She nods.

“That makes sense. What if you don’t like it?”

“No, making sense would be testing it out before buying a whole-ass house,” my father snaps. “That makes sense. Buying a house out of the blue does not make any sense.”

“Well, it’s done, and I got the keys, so we can agree to disagree on this part at least.” I try not to snap at him. “There was also another thing I wanted to talk to you guys about.” My mother puts her spoon down as I avoid even looking at her. “Ever since I found out that I was…” I take a deep breath in. “I’ve had a thousand and one questions.”

“We wish we had the answers to give you,” my mother states, her voice filled with sorrow.

“I know.” I finally look up at her and then at my father. “I know if you knew the answers, you would, without a doubt, share them with me.” Neither of them says a word. “So I was thinking of looking for my birth parents.” I can tell the minute I say the sentence and the words, my mother’s heart breaks. “It has nothing to do with you or how I was brought up, or any of that.” I try to make her feel better. “It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.”

“You are who you are”—my father tosses the white linen napkin he had on his lap onto the table—“because of the way we love and adore you.”

“I know that.” My heart speeds up nervously. “I know all of that,” I repeat breathlessly as my own tears itch at my eyes. “It’s just something I need to do.”

“Whatever you need,” my mother assures me, her voice higher than normal, “is what we will give you. Whatever it is, whatever you need.” I have to say I didn’t expect her to be so strong. “I want to meet the woman who gave me the biggest gift I’ve ever gotten. I want to thank her for doing the most selfless thing a person can do.” She picks up her own linen napkin and dabs the corner of her eyes. “I don’t know how she had the courage to do it.”

“She put her in a box and dumped her off at a fire station.” My father’s voice is tight. “She didn’t even have the decency to set up something with an adoption agency.”

“I thought of that also.” I try not to let his words get to me.

“Did you ever think that maybe she doesn’t want to be found?” he asks. “Did you ever think she did what she did because she didn’t care?”

I swallow down the lump. “You are going to open Pandora’s box. What do you expect out of all of this?”

“I don’t expect anything,” I admit. “I just want to know where I come from.”

“I think you’re making a big mistake.” He pushes away from the table and stands. “Before you start this, ask yourself, are you okay if she wants nothing to do with you?”

I swallow at his question. “I’m going to have to be.” I put my shoulders back standing straight, “But what if she’s waiting for me to contact her? What if?—”

“What if she isn’t?” he asks. “It’s not all fucking roses, Sierra.”

“That’s enough!” my mother snaps, slapping the table. “She wants to do this, and we are going to support her in any way we can.” I close my eyes. “If all the negative happens to her and she finds out her birth mother doesn’t want her, we are going to be there to hold her up and make sure she feels loved.” She shakes her head. “It isn’t about us,” she tells him. “You’re scared of losing her. You don’t think I’m just as scared?”

“Mom,” I say, the tears running down my face. “Dad.” He looks at me, and I can see the anguish all over his face. “You guys will never lose me.”

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