Page 69 of Matched Up

I didn’t move.‘I just wanted you to know that, in case you thought you couldn’t talk to me or something …’

‘No, I know I can.’He tried to keep walking again, but again I didn’t move.

And maybe it was the conversation with Mum that made me even more sensitive to the fact that he was keeping secrets, but I’d suddenly had enough.I didn’t have any more patience.

‘So why then?Why won’t you tell me why you keep disappearing?’I hated that my voice shook and my eyes welled up.Ihatedit.

‘Lexie, it’s nothing to do with you, I promise.’He took both my hands and squeezed them, his face serious in the flash of the fairground lights.

‘But I don’t understand.Why can’t you tell me?’

‘Because youwouldn’tunderstand,’ he said, raising his voice above the screams.

And everything stopped.It felt like I was falling head first into some kind of black hole.The same place I went when I found out about Megan and Niall.The same place that swallowed me whole when I found out about Mum.All these secrets, all these people deciding how I would react and what I would or wouldn’t understand.

I snatched my hands from his grip and wiped them acrossmy face, hard.I stepped back, still watching him.The boy I loved, breaking my heart into pieces.

‘I’m sorry, Lexie.I didn’t mean …’

‘You said you loved me.’My words were choked.

‘I do.’He stepped towards me, arms reaching for me.‘Idolove you.’

I shook my head.‘You don’t.You can’t.If you love someone, you share everything.Thereareno secrets.’

He pushed his hands through his hair and winced like he was in pain.‘Lexie, Ican’t.You need to just accept that or –’

‘Or what?’I demanded and immediately wished I hadn’t.But I wasn’t about to let him say it.‘You know what?I’ll save you the bother.We’re finished.’

I just about got the words out and turned away before bursting into ugly tears, chest heaving, nose running.

‘Lexie, wait.’

But I didn’t wait.I ran back to my car and drove home, my eyes blurred, leaving him in Thunderland with his stupid secrets.

24

‘Lexie, what happened?’

It was like Mum had been waiting for me.She jumped up from her chair and came towards me.But this time I didn’t want to talk to her about Shane.I thought about how happy I’d been before I left.Humiliating.So I ran upstairs to my room and threw myself on to my bed.

I heard a gentle knock at the door.‘Lexie, love?’

I didn’t answer.And Mum didn’t come in.

‘What’s for you won’t go past you,’ she said.

She loved that phrase.As if it made anything better.

Ten minutes later there was another knock at the door.

‘Lexie?Can I come in?’It was Megan’s voice.

And I had no more energy, so I didn’t say anything when the door opened slowly, and Megan poked her head into my room.

‘Lex,’ she said,hervoice shaking.

I shook my head into the pillow.Then I felt her get on to my bed beside me, lie down and stretch her arm round my back.

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