Page 53 of Matched Up

I went over all the things Shane had taught me at our extra practices.Defence tactics, the Cruyff turn, I would use them all and Sadie would wonder why she hadn’t played me before.

I gazed over at the crowd hoping to see Shane.But he wasn’t there.I waved to Dad, who was waving right back at me.And right beside him?Megan.She waved too, then jogged on to the pitch towards me.She wasn’t wearing a Westing kit.

‘I couldn’t miss it.I’ll be in the dugout.Good luck, Lex – show them what you’ve got.’She hesitated before reaching over to hug me.I melted into her for a second, before pulling away.And it shook me.My head was a mess.I wanted to hugher again, to fix everything that had happened between us, but this wasn’t the time.

‘You’re not playing?’I asked, confused.

She shook her head.‘Sadie wants me to rest before the trials; she’s worried I’ll get injured.Zoe’s playing my position, I think.’

I turned round to see Zoe warming up behind me.

‘That’s why I’m playing,’ I said out loud.Of course Sadie wasn’t going to play me over Zoe.How stupid could I be?Tears welled in my eyes.

‘Hey, Lex, what’s wrong?’Megan asked, her hand on my arm.

I brushed it off and stepped back.‘The only reason I’m playing is because you’re not.I thought …’ I stopped before I embarrassed myself.

‘Who cares?Why does it matterwhyyou’re starting?You’re starting, Lex – this is all you’ve wanted for so long.’She tried to grab my hands to make her point, but I moved away and she flinched.

Who was she to tell me what I wanted?Her words just sounded patronizing.Megan, who was leaving for England at the end of the summer, who didn’t even appreciate being invited to NI trials.

‘Why are you even here?’I said.

‘To see you play,’ she said sadly.

‘I don’t need you.I don’t need Niall.I don’t need anyone.’I turned away and squeezed my eyes shut for a second before I ran back to the team.

‘It’s going to be a tough game; this team hasn’t been beatenby anyone all season.So let’s make it their first loss.Lexie and Hazel, cover each other.Zoe, you’re taking Megan’s spot, so you do what she does.Do not stop running.Come on, girls.You can do this.’Sadie emphasized each word like she needed us to know how much she meant it.

I took one last look at the crowd to see if Shane or Niall had come at the last minute.But they hadn’t.Now I had to get my head in the game.And I did.I tackled the way Shane had shown me, marked players far better than I ever had, and my passes were way more accurate.Lola scored at the end of the first half, and we were one–nil up.I was buzzing when I ran in for the team talk.

‘Nice work, girls.Zoe, you’re doing a great job in midfield, and Lexie, excellent work.I can see a huge improvement in your skills.Hannah, keep focused – they’re going to come back strong in the second half.We can win this, girls.Come on!’

Sadie was right.The other team did come back strong.It was like they were faster, more skilful, fitter than us.They scored an early goal, and we fell apart.I couldn’t concentrate.I started throwing myself into tackles, made sloppy passes and with each mistake I just felt worse.And even more pissed off.

When it went out and should have been a goal kick, I snapped.‘It’s not a corner!’

The ref ignored me and pointed to the side line.‘Corner ball.’

I kicked the ground.‘It’s not afuckingcorner.’

The ref blew her whistle and called me over.‘There’s no swearing on my pitch.Any more of that and it’ll be a red card.’

I nodded through gritted teeth.

‘Lexie, settle!’Sadie called from the sidelines.

I couldn’t look at her.I’d done all this training, and I still wasn’t good enough.I just didn’t have it in me to be good for a whole match.

And then we were losing.Two–one.

And after wishing so hard that they’d been there during the first half, I was so glad that Shane or Niall hadn’t come to see me make such an embarrassment of myself.

Zoe got man of the match and Sadie couldn’t seem to stop telling her how great she was as a midfielder.And I didn’t have the energy to hide my feelings.The lump in my throat was getting bigger and I had to leave the pitch before they saw me cry.

‘Lex,’ I heard Megan say.

Why had she stayed?I hated that she’d stayed to see that mess of a match.I couldn’t even look at her.So I waited until she started talking to Sadie before I walked past them and over to Dad.

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