Page 65 of Matched Up

‘Is it true?’I asked Mum.

She nodded.‘I suppose it is.It’s difficult to talk about, and I don’t know if it’s fair, but I blame my parents for a lot of it, and I promised myself that if I had kids, I’d never put that pressure on them.But, Lexie, you put that pressure on yourself, and I just don’t want the same thing happening to you.I can see it, the look on your face when you play.It’s more than just a hobby.And I’m so glad you’ve met a nice boy and are enjoying things that aren’t football.’She reached out to take my hand and I thought about pulling it away, like I usually would, but at the perfect moment, the way Shane saw things from a different point of view came back to me.Like the way he’d done with Megan and the trials.I made myself think like Mum.If I had kids, would I want them to try as hard as I did?

‘He’s really nice,’ I said, my voice choked with tears.

‘Oh, Lexie.’Mum pulled me into a hug.I breathed in her familiar perfume and let myself cry into her shoulder.

‘You know that’s not why I didn’t tell you.The things Niall said.I know how deeply you feel everything.And it’s a beautiful thing.I just couldn’t bear to see you hurt.’

‘I know,’ I whispered.

‘There’s so much more to life than sports.Like boys,’ Mum teased.‘Oh, and if you want me to stay at home instead of going away with your dad over the next while, will you tell me?Just say the word and I’m here.’She smiled.

‘Thanks, Mum, but I’ll be fine.’I didn’t need a babysitter.I needed time alone, to think about everything.

I went back up to my room to daydream about Shane.

23

I stayed in my room the rest of the day, talking to Shane.

ME: Found out today that my mum was actually some tennis prodigy when she was a kid

SHANE: Wow, that’s so cool!So she’s the reason you’re so good at football then?

I smiled at his message.Before Shane I would have pushed back on the compliment if anyone had said something like that, but I felt like I didn’t have to with him.

ME: MaybeBut the thing is, she never told me.She kept it a secret my whole life.Even Niall knew.She said she didn’t tell me because she thought it would put pressure on me

I sent him one of the links about Mum.

SHANE: I think it’s really nice that she’d think that way.Are you OK?That she didn’t tell you?

ME: I don’t know.Am I difficult to talk to?

I put it out there, hoping it would trigger him into telling me his secrets.

SHANE: I think you’re the opposite

I left his message there for five minutes, staring at the hypocrisy, hoping he’d type again, telling me everything.But he didn’t.So I decided to suck it up and ask him something I’d been terrified of asking since we’d started going out.

ME: So what are your plans for next year?

As soon as I hit send my heart raced.The thought of him disappearing across the water like Megan made me feel sick.Having to stop whatever this was before it had even started?It wasn’t worth thinking about.But I guess I neededsomething.Something to prove that I wasn’t some brick wall people couldn’t get past.

SHANE: You mean uni and stuff?It’s not for me.Don’t fancy getting into debt for something I won’t even know if I like.What about you?

ME: Sports science at UUJ.Hopefully anyway.So that means you’re sticking around?

SHANE: Yep :) Are you OK after last night?It was kind of intense

ME: Yeah, I’ll be fine.I mean, I don’t know if me and Niall will ever talk again, but I had a nice chat with Mum so at least I have some allies, even if she’s on Niall’s side too

SHANE: And me.I’ll always be on your side.But like I said, I can leave Westing if it makes things easier

ME: Thanks :) But let’s talk about it later?I need some time to get ready

SHANE: Bet you look amazing right now anyway

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