Page 59 of Matched Up

‘More than anything,’ I said genuinely.

‘Yeah, I can tell.The way you talk about it.Actually, it’s kind of made me realize how much Idon’tlove it.Your eyes light up when you talk about the game, you know that?’

I looked down.‘Do they?’

And I suppose it made sense.It was the one thing that had always made me happy.Regardless of what else was going on in my life, football was the ‘quiet’ in my head.The one thing I loved more than anything else … until Shane.

He laughed.‘They do.’

‘Like yours do when you talk about your dad.’

He stared at me for a second then smiled.‘God, that’s so uncool.Do I talk about him too much?I don’t mean to; it’s just …’

‘What?’

‘Ever since I was a kid, I would have done anything to try and make him proud.And I guess it never went away.’

‘Football?’

‘Yeah.But how do you tell someone you’ve spent your whole life trying to impress that you don’t love the thing theylove?’He flicked the water with his feet, and we watched it splash back into the pool.‘He wants me to go pro.’

‘But if it doesn’t make you happy, I bet he’d understand?’I said, reaching for his hand and sliding my fingers between his.

‘Yeah.I don’t know.I’m not brave, not like you, the way you give everything and put yourself out there to get what you want.I’m not like that.I just want everyone to be happy.’

Brave?I wasn’t brave.Stubborn maybe …

‘That’s really nice.That you want everyone to be happy,’ I said, my stomach sinking.

‘Don’t you?’he asked with no judgement.

I thought about Niall and Megan.How I didn’t care if they were happy together or not; I just hated how it mademefeel.

‘Maybe not all the time,’ I admitted.‘Maybe I’m just selfish.’

‘I don’t think trying really hard to get what you want makes you selfish, and if it does, maybe I should be a bit more selfish.’He smiled and held my hand to his mouth, kissing it.‘You’ve gone somewhere,’ he said with a laugh.‘Are you OK?’

I shook my head and brought myself back.‘Yeah.’

He stood up and pulled me with him.‘We need some towels.’

I pointed.‘Down there.’There was a stack of white towels all rolled up for whatever classes were in here on Monday.

I followed him and we dried ourselves before putting our ball clothes back on.

‘I should go,’ he said, though he didn’t make a move to go anywhere.

‘Already?How come?’I decided to just put it out there and ask him directly.‘Please tell me.Tell me why you’re alwaysmysteriously leaving.I’m starting to suspect you’ve got a second life.Like one of those internet scammers.’I tried to make light of it by grinning, but he only smiled briefly back at me.

‘I promise I’ll tell you, just not tonight.’

He leaned down and kissed me gently, before taking my hand and walking out into the freezing-cold night and on to the pitches.And when he didn’t say anything, I filled the silence, because despite the fact there was still this roadblock between us, I wasn’t ready for the night to end.‘Do you have time for one more dance?’

‘What about your wet hair?They’ll know we broke into the pool.’

He was right.I wasn’t thinking straight.We’d already caused enough of a shock for one night.

‘OK, come on.’I led him round the side of the assembly hall towards the car park.

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