Page 5 of Falling Off Script

Then I snap out of it so fast I’m amazed I don’t get whiplash. Nope. Not today. Not me.

“Emily,” he says, taking the seat next to me with relaxed grace.

“Adrian,” I reply. My inner critic is already pacing in heels, whispering,Don’t let him get under your skin. It’s oiled and slippery down there.

The host leans into the mic like he’s unveiling a new iPhone.

“Up next, we’ve got two powerhouse voices in the modern dating space. First up—he’s the bestselling author ofThe Zayne Method, host of a viral podcast, and the man behind the ‘Iron Mind’ movement—please welcome the one and only Adrian Zayne!”

Adrian gets a loud cheer. Of course he does. These guys have practically memorized his viral videos. They quote him on Reddit. Probably give each other high-fives for using his lines like they’re cheat codes for real life.

“And representing the ladies tonight, she’s the founder ofLet Me Finishpodcast, and a voice of reason for women navigating modern love—give it up for women’s dating coach and speaker, Ms. Emily Parrish!

I blink. Did he just call me a dating coach?

I lean toward the mic. “Just to clarify—I don’t coach women on dating. I help women figure out what they actually want—then decide if the guy deserves to be part of that picture.”

“I see,” the host says, blinking. Adrian immediately jumps in:

“So... are you single,Ms.Parrish?”

I stare at him, caught between a laugh and a lawsuit.

This isn’t a date. It’s not a panel aboutmylove life. But somehow, the question always circles back, like a drunk at karaoke who keeps requesting the same song.

I turn towards Adrian. “I am—unless this panel ends in a marriage proposal. Otherwise, I’d prefer we stick to the topic.”

A few laughs. One woman near the front claps, loudly. I want to buy her a drink.

Adrian tilts his head, smiling like I just asked him out.

“Well, in that case, I’ll do my best to stay charming. Wouldn’t want to ruin my odds.”

I blink slowly. “Don’t worry. I did the math before I came.”

More laughter. Adrian gives a little mock bow.

The host clears his throat, trying to steer us back to the “discussion” part of this discussion.

“Right. So, let’s dive in—Adrian, tell us what you think is going wrong in modern dating.”

Adrian opens with his Greatest Hits.

“Men are lied to constantly. We’re told to be soft, vulnerable, empathetic—until the woman you're dating loses interest and sleeps with someone who texts her at 2 a.m.”

Applause. A guy in row four turns beet red.

Adrian Zayne is halfway through his manifesto and already looks like he’s auditioning to be the nextBachelor—if theBachelortrauma-bonded via lightly coded misogyny. But a few women in the audience still gaze at him with swoony eyes. Honestly, betrayal on every front.

“To put it bluntly,” he says, flashing that godforsaken smirk, “eighty percent of women want twenty percent of men. It’s not about love—it’s about math.”

The crowd loves it. They eat it up like they’re watching a man explain the stock market to someone holding a PhD in economics. Which, coincidentally, isn’t far off from what’s happening.

I glance at the moderator. He gives me the nod—theyour turn, sweetienod. The one they give women right before sending them into war without body armor.

I adjust the mic and smile like I’m about to recite a bedtime story—with knives.

“What Adrian is describing isn’t a dating problem. It’s a branding problem. Men want credit for downloading empathy but never actually install the updates.”

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