Page 185 of Blood and Ruin: The Complete Series

Luka inspects every inch of my face while I do the same to him, trying to imprint every detail into my brain so I never forget this beautiful man.

“Kiarra,” he whispers in a plea, begging me with his eyes for something I can’t give him anymore.

The rest of the guys slowly move toward me, as if approaching a frightened animal. I want to laugh at their expressions, but no words form on my lips. The shock of how real this feels chokes the words in my throat.

“Baby?” Jax moves beside Luka. He watches me with a wary expression.

“You…” He swallows hard. “You’re here and this is real. It’s not a dream.”

I shake my head, looking from one familiar sad expression to another. Why would my subconscious make up something like this? What would the point be, except to destroy me further?

“This isn’t real….” I choke out. “It can’t be.” Tears begin to run freely down my face as I admit the truth out loud.

“You’re…dead.”

“Kiarra.” Luka pulls me to him.

I gasp as he envelops me into one of his warm hugs. A sob heaves my chest, making me want to curl into him and never let go. His calming scent full of chaos and night surrounds me in a warm embrace, but it’s all a lie. One I’ll have to wake up from soon.

“We’re not dead. You saved us.” Luka runs a hand up and down my back, and just like before, I feel his power as it spreads throughout my body, chasing away any cold that’s left behind.

Saved them?I shake my head, pulling back from Luka.

“Ikilledyou.” Admitting it makes everything around me grow small. My chest turns tight, and I can’t breathe.

I killed them the very minute I let them in. When I should’ve pushed them away and made sure King never got close enough to hurt them.

“No. The bond. Our bond saved us.” Luka pushes, trying to make me believe him. Even in my imagination, he’s still trying to protect me.

“It’s true, baby,” Jax says. I stare into Jax’s eyes and see so much longing and affection. “We’d never leave you.”

Luka tilts my chin up to him, forcing me to look into his beautiful turquoise eyes. They capture me whole. Mind, body, and soul, but it’s just a memory. Something my subconscious has re-created to help me deal with their loss.

“It’s us,” he tells me.

I shake my head. It can’t be. This is just a dream, and no matter how much I want it to be more, it’s not. I know that when I wake up, it’s going to bewithoutthem, and these figments of my imagination will disappear, making it hurt all that much more.

“No.Please. Stop.”

They couldn’t be alive. I would know, wouldn’t I?

I rub the spot on my chest, trying to feel what was once there, when a small pulse of light starts to spread.

The bond… But it can’t be. It’s just another fabricated lie my mind is making up.

Luka releases me just as Kai reaches me. Taking my hand, he places the other on the side of my face.

“Weweredying. Each of us. But you saved us. We healed, thanks to you and our bond, and we’re right here.” His eyes beg me to believe what he’s saying.

The look on each of their hopeful expressions breaks something inside me. I desperately want this to be real, but what if it’s not? What if I open what’s left of my heart only to wake up moments from now and none of it is real?

Kai sees my hesitancy, my fears and worries, and pulls me closer. “If you won’t believe us, then believe this.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest, right over his heart. “Feel my heartbeat. My bond. Our connection. It’s yours. You know it. Feel it, Kiarra. Focus on the bond we have. The love.”

I feel his soft breath along my face as he speaks. “You’re ours, Kiarra. You know deep down we’d never leave you. I’d claw my way up from Hell itself, just to be with you. Nobody could keep you from us, not even death itself. Don’t give up on us, because we’ll never give up on you.”

His words hit me hard. Is that what I’m doing? Giving up on them. I focus harder on the bond, on the five threads woven together, and imagine it where it sits, right beside my heart.

The thump-thump gets louder the more I focus, just as a lightness fills me up once more. The energy spreads out to my limbs, settling everything inside me and putting it at ease.

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