Page 164 of Blood and Ruin: The Complete Series

Maybe this is hell? Or at least my version of one.

A place where I’m completely alone with no one around me. No warmth or love or even light.

My breath quickens, turning shallow the more that I think about this being my afterlife. And if that’s true, then it means that even after everything we went through, I’ll still never get to seethem.

To tell them how sorry I am for what I put them through. For causing their deaths. For bringing them nothing but pain.

The thought of never getting to talk to them again brings me to my knees.

Wrapping my arms around my body, I curl into myself, pleading with the gods, or whoever is up there, to let me see them. Even just for one more moment. Just so I know they’re okay.

But the thick silence lingers, becoming stagnant.

Starting to feel stupid for even pleading with some elusive gods, I focus on each of the guys and pull them to me. Wrapping their warmth around me, I hold on tight, not wanting to forget any piece of them. Not wanting my memories of them to dull, especially if that’s all I have left of them.

The pull grows the more I think of them. I think nothing of it, craving them and their touches… their smells and their warm embraces. The tug continues to grow, and I do nothing to stop it, allowing the thoughts of my mates to fill me up, to make me feel less hollow and alone.

It grows and expands until I’m yanked forward. My body turns to shadows and smoke before tumbling into the light.

Stumbling up, I blink against the intense brightness after being in the dark for what feels like a long time.

It takes me a minute to adjust to my new surroundings, as sounds slowly filter in around me. I squeeze my eyes shut and slowly open them. A room comes into view.

One with a large white sofa with plenty of space around it, making it feel airy and spacious. Wide-open windows line the wall, overlooking the heart of a city.

Muffles sounds grow louder behind me, pulling me from my inspection.

The sounds grow louder the longer I listen to them. It takes a minute to recognize their voices.

The next voice that speaks is louder and clearer, making my heart stutter and stop.

I’m afraid to turn around and find out it’s not them. That this is a cruel prank or trick of some kind. “So far, he hasn’t told us anything useful.” Axel.

“They’re being attacked by old demons as well. I’d say that’s useful knowledge.” Rion.

I slowly turn, my eyes widening with what I see, with who I see.

It’s them. The guys. All of them.

Axel leans against the counter, looking pissed off as usual, bringing a smile to my face. Rion and Kai stand close to him, wearing mirrored expressions of frustration.

“The same one?” Jax asks, pacing back and forth, like he has too much energy he needs to release. And Luka… Where’s Luka?

I look over past Jax to find him leaning against a shadowed wall, staring down at the floor.

Something eases inside me, seeing all of them together.

But they all look… exhausted. Beyond exhausted, they look lost.

I must not be dead after all, because this has to be a dream. A beautiful, hopeless dream sent to torture me some more. Even in my dreams, they’re haunted, making me feel guilty for causing it.

I step closer and closer, making my way over to them until I’m only a few feet away. But they can’t see me. I’m just as invisible as the shadows, watching on as they talk to one another.

“What about Kiarra?” My heart jumps at hearing my name from Jax’s lips.

Axel clenches his jaw. “Draven is still in meetings.”

Kai sighs. “We’re meeting with him later. We should know more then,” he tells him, looking just as annoyed as Axel.

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