Page 363 of Blood and Ruin: The Complete Series

It was another thing I had to add to the ever-growing list of regrets I still have.

Fuck.

Watching everything happen all over again was fucking surreal. But looking back now gives me a whole other perspective on it.

Wewerejust kids, and even though I experienced a lot more than most at that age, I didn’t understand everything either. How could I?

Thinking about how I told Luka that he shouldn’t be feeling guilt or shame for anything makes me sound like a fucking idiot when I turned around and did the exact same thing.

I blamed myself and felt nothing but guilt and shame for not being there. To this day, I still feel fucking guilty for not being there for him…

Feeling guilty for something that was out of my control.

I used to think I could’ve protected him when I was younger. That if I had gotten there sooner or found out about everything before it all kicked off, then I could’ve stopped it.

But the truth of it is that there probably would have been two metal tables in that room instead of one.

And even though I will always choose to be by my brother’s side no matter what, I’m also glad I was able to get him and us out of there. Something that might not have happened if we were both in that basement.

There’ll never be anything I can do to go back and change Luka’s or Kiarra’s past but they’re alive and surrounded by family now.

They’re happy and safe.

I let those four little words repeat over and over in my head until I start to feel them. Until they take root in my chest and heart and grow, spreading out to every inch of my body.

They’re happy and safe…

And I’m going to make damn sure they have a good life from here on out. To make up for all the pain they went through.

I can’t change the past, but I sure as hell can change the future.

A heaviness that I didn’t realize was sitting on me, lifts, making me feel lighter than I did before.

Standing up, I watch my surroundings brighten, just like my thoughts.

A new world opens up inside my mind, shining light on everything I thought was real. When it was really just my guilt and pain talking. Pain I’ve been holding on for far too long.

But I think it’s finally time to let it go…

CHAPTER 17

AXEL

What the fuck? Why am I… here?

I glance around at my old bedroom. The shitty gray carpet and curtains that I was sure weren’t their original color, the broken window that always leaked in the winter, and the second-hand small drawers that fit all my belongings, with space.

Fuck. I hate this place and everything that comes along with it. I hate my aunt and what she put me through for just existing.

She wasn’t even my fucking aunt, not by blood or any other means for that matter. Just someone my sperm donor and step-bitch paid off to get rid of me.

What they put me through at least had an expiry date. Once I was gone, I thought the bad shit was finally over. But then another nightmare began.

I traded torture for beatings by new men every week and an aunt who couldn’t give two shits about me or whether I starved or keeled over and died.

That was probably what the bitch wanted anyway.

Why the fuck am I here? How did I get here?

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