Page 85 of Beneath the Starlight and Storms

I freeze when I realize the name. “Pan?”

Hook gives me a slight nod as he watches my reaction. My eyes drift back to the mold. But the more I look at it, the more I see how battered and beaten it is. It’s discolored and mangled in places as if it’s been through countless rounds of brutal attacks.

“He looks a little…rough.” More than a little, in fact.

“Don’t worry. He’ll take whatever you throw at him.” Hook glares at the inanimate object, clenching his jaw. “And do it with a damn smile on his face.” The temperature drops as every sliver of humor flees the room.

I glance at Hook and his stiff posture and realize I never really found out what caused him and Peter to become so distant… so hateful towards each other.

Peter told me so many things about how vicious and ruthless Hook was. How he would destroy anything he touched and caused nothing but ruin wherever he went. That he could never be trusted and if I were ever to meet him again, I should run.

For death only greeted you when you metJames Hook.

But once upon a time, andfor a short time, the three of us were friends. Friends that looked out for one another in a world where everything and everyone was against us.

And in one single, stormy night, everything changed. Hook left Neverland with a promise to never return and stayed true to his word.

Peter never told me what had made Hook leave but not too long after he did, the stories came.

Stories that made me hate Hook. Each one more rotten and twisted than the next.

And I easily believed them. After all, they came from Peter’s mouth and everything he said must be true.

I frown as I take a step towardPan, disgusted at myself for being so blind. Why did Ialwaysbelieve what Peter told me? Why did I never question anything or push him for answers?

If I had just questioned one of the many things my instincts told me was wrong, I would’ve seen Peter for what he really was. I would have been able to stop months of torture and pain.

A heaviness settles in my stomach as Hook shows me how and where to strike that will give me the best chance of hurting my attacker before escaping. My body moves on auto pilot as my mind keeps wandering back to our shared pasts and how many stupid mistakes I’ve made.

So many mistakes that could have been avoided if I trusted myself.

I ignore the bubbling pain inside me and focus on the moves Hook has shown me. For the next hour, we go over each one until my movements become more fluid and I’m able to remember each one as if it’s already stored into my muscle memory.

“That’s enough for today.” Hooks says.

But I’ve still got so much anger inside me, so much pain that begs for a release.

I slam my fist intoPan’schest, willing my pain to transfer to something else. Pan can have it; he deserves to feel an inch of the pain I’ve had to endure at his hands.

But the pain stays where it is inside me and grows, moving into my chest as it twists and tightens.

You’re a monster…Words spoken to me by the very people who brought me into this world. People who were supposed to love and care for me.

Letting my mind race with that pain and anger, I move my body and slam my fist intoPan’sface.

It barely moves an inch, only fueling that anger further. I do it again and again until I imagine not only Peter’s face but everyone who wronged me. Everyone that treated me like I was worthless. Everyone that wanted to use me for their own gain, not caring about how it would affect me.

A sliver of dark power slides upward just as arms wrap around me, holding me still. I release a shaky breath as Hook’s arms tighten.

“Who?”

I freeze at the quiet rage in Hook’s voice. The air shifts as he slowly releases me to move around me.

“Tell me who hurt you. Tell me and I’ll—”

“You’ll what? You’ll destroy them all?” I swallow hard, shaking my head. If only he knew the truth. If only he knew who the real monster was. But then maybe it would make no difference to him.

How I would love to not feel the same. To not feel the pain and remorse that suffocates me night after night.

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