Page 31 of Solstice

He sipped his cocoa again, didn’t say anything for a long time. The fire painted his face in shadows and light. He seemed to be thinking. Hours had gone by since his morning shave, according to the stubble on his face. She caught herself wanting to run her palms over his cheeks.

“I owe you an apology,” she said at length. “A long overdue one.”

He looked up at her, met her eyes. “For what?”

“For leaving you the way I did. With just a letter.”

He shrugged. “It wouldn’t have mattered how you left me, Dori. It was the leaving that did me in.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hell, it’s water under the bridge. It’s not your fault. I felt something you didn’t. It happens.”

“If I had known—”

“You’d have what? Stayed? No. I don’t think that would have happened, and I’m not sure it even should have happened. You needed to get out of here, test your wings. It changed you.”

“Did it?”

He nodded. “You figured out who you were. You have something now that you didn’t have before. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was since the first day I saw you back in town, and now I think I’ve nailed it.”

“Really? What is it?”

“I don’t know if it has a name. It’s like you always had this wellspring of...something deep down. But going away gave you the chance to find it, to tap into it, to bring it all bubbling up to the surface. You glow now. An inner light. A core of power. Maybe...maybe it’s that you found your magic.”

“I thought I had,” she said. “And then I thought it was gone again, when I lost everything and had to come back here. Only—it wasn’t really. I turned my back on it, not the other way around. It came so clear to me out there on the lake tonight.”

“Did it?”

“Yeah. I’ve been lost. I’ve been floundering around in the darkness, wondering where the light went. But it’s here, it’s been here all along, just waiting for me to see it. It burns just the same, whether I’m here or in Manhattan. I’m the keeper of my own flame. No one has the power to put it out but me. Not a job, not prestige, not a huge income or a Mercedes or a penthouse apartment. Where I live or what I do for a living has nothing to do with who I am.”

He smiled at her. “That’s great, Dori. I’m glad for you.”

“But?” She waited, draining her cocoa, then putting her cup on the floor.

He shrugged. “But nothing.”

“Come on, Jason, don’t hold back. You’ve been pretty instrumental in my reaching a lot of the conclusions I have. Don’t stop now.”

He pursed his lips in thought, then finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll give it to you straight.” He set his cup down, got out of his chair and took her hands to pull her to her feet.

For a moment he simply looked at her, really looked, deeply into her eyes. Then he cupped her head in his hands, and he kissed her. Dori’s eyes fell closed as his lips covered hers. His fingers spread through her hair, and one hand slid lower to the small of her back and eased her closer, and still closer, until her body was pressed to his. His hand stroked her hair, a sensual massage as his lips moved over hers. Gentle suction, constant motion. His body molded to hers a little harder, his hand at her back drawing her tighter. His fingers splayed at the back of her head as the kiss deepened. He made her body sing. He always had.

Dori gave in to the music, sliding her arms around his waist, parting her lips to let him in. She wasn’t cold anymore.

They kissed, standing near the fire, for a long time. And when he finally lifted his head, his eyes glittering as they stared into hers, he said, “I want you to stay.”

She blinked at him. “But...Jason, this is….”

“What? So sudden? So new? It’s not, you know. I’m just picking up where we left off all those years ago, Dori.” He let his arms fall to his sides from around her. She felt lonely without them. “I didn’t want to do this, not until I was sure you’d decided to stay. I didn’t want to lay my heart out there on the platter again, just waiting for a cleaver to whack it in two. But maybe…maybe you just need a reason to make the decision. Or maybe not. Maybe I’m dead wrong here. It could be that this incredible thing I feel between us is all in my head. God knows I thought it must have been when you walked away the last time. But then...you came back. And I know it wasn’t for me, but I can’t help wondering if...it was fate that brought you back here. Back to me.”

The lights flicked on, off, then on again. They stayed on this time. He smiled at her. “Guess that would be the return of the light you were talking about in the boat, huh?”

“Not even close,” she said, but she knew he was only joking, trying to lighten up what had become an intense and heavy moment. He wanted an answer from her, a decision. A commitment.

A repetitive beeping sound distracted her, and she couldn’t stop the phrase saved by the bell from whispering through her thoughts. Frowning, she spotted the answering machine, its light flashing insistently.

“Talk about timing,” Jason muttered. Then he sighed again. “Maybe we needed a break anyway. Go ahead, get your messages. I’ll put out all these candles before we burn the place down.”

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