Page 82 of Don Caselli

She took a sip of her drink and then looked down at her feet. “I’m pregnant.”

I paused.

We had been fucking without protection so I would never crack my mouth to ask if it was mine. I knew the possibilityof her getting pregnant when I slid inside of her and was more focused on the feeling than the consequences that came with being reckless.

Both of us were.

“See, I knew you would think I was dumb, or trying to trap you.”

“Nah, nah, nah,” I quickly grabbed her as she tried to stomp past me. “Be fair, Bleu… let me process it.”

“You’re right. Sorry.”

“You good. You good.” I paced the small area, until I was near her desk that was near the window. Taking a seat, I leaned forward and look at her watching my every move, waiting for me to say something to her.

She stood there and crossed her arms, as she looked at me. “Why do you keep repeating yourself twice, Landon?”

I looked down at my hands. “Don’t take this wrong… I promise I’m not that kind of nigga. I’m just not ready to be a parent right now. Selfish considering I didn’t do anything to prevent that, but I’m being real with you.”

“There’s also the possibility that Antwan is the father. I slept with you both around the same time.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“What else you want me to say? Be mad because you was fucking your boyfriend? It’s life.” I leaned back, feeling like the walls were closing in on me.

I just met my nephew earlier and I felt nothing. Not like I didn’t love him, or no shit like that. Honestly, I ain’t even know the little nigga, but there was love there. I didn’t get any feelings of wanting to do the shit myself. When I saw Corleon and Jeffie holding and loving on him, you could tell that was something that they wanted. Babies had a way of pulling what you desired for your own life out of you, and I never felt that. I’m not sayingI don’t want kids at all, shit, I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew is that I loved to travel, lock myself in my office for hours and move the way that I wanted.

“I’m not keeping the baby. The doctor I found is going to do my tubal ligation and the abortion at the same time.”

It was how she casually let the shit fly like she was getting her teeth cleaned when in fact, she just mentioned that she was getting her tubes tied or removed. Shit, I didn’t know which one, but the calmness and joy in her voice couldn’t be missed.

“Elaborate.” I motioned for her to come over toward me.

Her body was back tense, and she was on the defense as she stomped over toward me. It was funny how I could read her as if I had known her my entire life. “I don’t want children, Landon, I don’t desire to be a mother. Yes, that may be weird to you. No, you cannot change my mind. This is something that I want. You can go on about your way if this doesn’t align with your life. I am perfectly fine walking away and putting my wants and desires first.”

The words came out like she had rehearsed them a bunch of times. I could hear the cracks in her voice as she tried to pretend to be unbothered. “No.”

“No?”

“How the fuck you think I can move on without you, Bleu?” It was a serious question that I wanted the answer to.

She sat down on my lap slowly and turned to face me, her arms still folded. She was still on the defense, and this was her way of protecting herself. “Landon, this may be fun now, but feelings get involved. Every man feels that he can change a woman’s mind on her wanting children.”

“Feelings are already involved.”

“And you feel no way?”

“Not in this moment. How the fuck can I expect anything from you when this is new? Why am I worried about kids that ain’t even here when I’m trying to get to know you?”

She nervously smiled. “Yeah?”

I kissed her neck. “You said you wanted me to court you. I want to get to know you, Navy… not fucking worry about no kids.”

“That’s easy to say now.”

Kissing her face softly, her arms slowly uncrossed and her body became less tense. “It’s easy to say now because I’m not focused on kids, Navy. I’m concerned with showing you everything you deserve… knowing you. I plan to do that when we go away tonight.”

---