Page 58 of Don Caselli

A child?

I tripped over my feet as I walked to my bed and tossed myself across it, putting the pillow over my head as I released loud sobs that vibrated through my chest.

My phone sounded from across the room next to my desk and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. All I wanted was the comfort of my bed and to get my chest to stop hurting.

Antwan hadme pissed from our conversation the other day. I had a campaign to shoot. It felt like I was coming on my period, and my apartment was a mess. Not to mention, I had to pack for this brand trip that I was going on with London. I started to back out, and she convinced me to come with her. With all of those things, you would have thought I would have started on the long list of shit I had to do.

No.

I was down the block at my favorite Chinese spot trying to get chicken wings and french fries with extra ketchup on them. The only thing that would make me feel better. As I stood outside the store waiting for my food to be done, I ignored the chimes of my phone because I didn’t want to be bothered.

My entire career was social media. Always being social and having to put on when sometimes I didn’t feel like it. Some days I wanted to tell the world they could all go to hell because I wasn’t in the mood for the fake debates about different creators.

Sometimes I wanted to shoot a campaign and add in the end of the video how that brand loved to pay their content creators late, so my rent had been late more than a few times.

It was draining and with me having so much on my plate, I just needed a minute. I needed someone to come and make everything better. Help me forget about the pile of laundry sitting in the middle of my bedroom, or the ton of past due bills that I hadn’t gotten around to paying.

Exhaustion was when you had the money to pay your bills, but you were so damn drained that you couldn’t fathom sitting at the desk, opening your budget book and processing payments.As my phone continued to chime, I remained in front of the store, looking at my chipped nails and watching the crackhead have a dance battle with a raccoon.

Or a rat.

Yeah. It could have been a rat.

“I’m on that list of being ignored now?” I looked away from the dance battle that was now fully happening and turned to see Don standing there.

He was dressed down in a sweatsuit, with his hands in his pockets. “What are you doing here? How did you even know I was here?”

Ever since I received that visit from Antwan, I had cut everyone out. Greene called me and I ignored her calls. She knew what it meant, so as long as I texted her back an emoji, she would allow me to wallow in my pain alone. Don had to rush out of town for an emergency and had texted me and I ignored it. He had sent a few more text messages, and I continued to ignore them because I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. Having sex with him and making this deal of being strangers was a mistake. It was too soon, and I was realizing that as my heart slammed against my chest while staring at him.

He had his durag on, and his hands rested in the pockets of his sweats as he stared at me. His eyes were only on me, and he didn’t care about anything that was surrounding him. Not even the crackhead trying to spin on her head while me and the rat stared at her.

“Don’t worry about that. Why you been ignoring me, Bleu?”

“I have a lot going on right now, Don.”

“Landon.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “It’s nothing personal. I just have a lot going on right now and can’t give you the energy or attention you need.”

“I’m not a fucking dog, Bleu. I don’t need you to put out energy or give me attention. A simple text saying you needed space would have been straight. Communication is big with me.”

I half expected him to argue me down and make it about himself, but him being more upset with the lack of communication than me blatantly ignoring him spoke volumes on who he was.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” my voice cracked.

Not because he had done anything, but the way my body reacted toward him being near me. It had been two days since tears, and I was at the phase of anger. Don, standing a few feet from me, had my body in shambles.

“What’s wrong with you, Pooh?” The way Pooh left his mouth and soothed my soul shouldn’t have been real.

Should not have existed.

He came over toward me as I leaned against the store and held my chin as tears fell down my face. “I’m okay.”

“Lie to me again.”

“I will be okay.”

“That I know. I’m not worried about the future right now. I wanna know why you’re not okay right now.”

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