Page 27 of Don Caselli

“Nothing fake about how I’m staring at you, Bleu. At least I’m honest and upfront about my shit.”

Recommendation: Listen to “Heartbreak” by Jagged Edge

My hand remained on the back of the couch while the spliff rested between my lips. Navy finally looked up and our eyes met. “Not fronting either.”

“Then be real with me… if the attraction isn’t there, I can take that. I’m not some sucka nigga who can’t take rejection. Never gotta front with me, Bleu.”

She moved over closer to me and took the spliff from my hand. I watched as she took a few pulls and then looked over at me. “How do I feel so sad and relieved at the same time? Like I find myself being so heartbroken, and then this wave of relief comes over me.”

I pulled a piece of lint from her eyelash as I looked at her. “Think you know the answer to that question.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any better, though. Especially when he has already moved on like none of this meant anything to him.”

“That nigga hurting… trust me.”

She held onto my every word, and that shit made me mad at homie for hurting her. Navy was so close that her scent caressed my nose in the best way. It clung to the air between us, as if she owned this studio and her name was outside the door. Vanilla laced with smoke, a sweet and dangerous combination that had my senses going haywire. Baby had me fucked up, and she didn’t have to do much but sit close to me.

Her scent was etched into my brain like a memory that I would never forget. One that would always remind me of her and the scent she wore. Without thinking, I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her soft lips.

Taking the spliff from her, I put it on the table beside us on the ashtray, and her hands found their way around my neck. I held her waist and kissed her back like I never wanted her to remove her lips. When I pulled back, I pecked her lips and her chin as she stared at me with tears in her eyes. All she wanted was to be loved and shown how much she was appreciated. I didn’t need her to verbally tell me that, because her actions told me she hadn’t been held like this.

“Kiss me again, please,” she pleaded with me.

With one hand, I held her waist and then I kissed her lips softly. “Tell me when to stop.”

“Don’t ever stop,” she said between kisses, and my arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer into me as she cried into my neck.

Her body quivered as I rubbed her back, squeezing her and never letting her go. She didn’t have to tell me to stop because I wasn’t letting her go. Navy was the girl that was always strong for everyone else, and she never got the moment to break.

She didn’t have time to feel because life kept going for her. This breakup was hard for her, and she allowed a few days before getting back to work. Always trying to make sense of what went wrong when she wasn’t at fault.

Greene poked her head in, and I nodded my head to let her know we were good. “When is the last time you allowed yourself to cry on someone’s shoulder, Bleu?”

“I don’t like to burden people,” she admitted.

Pulling her face up, I kissed her lips softly and wiped her tears. “Do me a favor.”

“That is?”

“Cry on my shoulder… burden me with your tears because I can tell it’s not something you do often. Allow me to hold you because you don’t want anyone else to hold you. Give me that.”

“Why?”

“Because I know how it feels to not want to be a burden.” I kissed her lips, and she pulled back and stared back at me.

“Then you have to do the same favor for me, too.”

I was quiet, and she took my face in her hand and looked at me. “This friendship can’t work if we can’t pour into each other, Don.”

I pinched her ass, and she squealed with laughter. “What I say about that?”

“Friends don’t pinch assess, Don,” she purposely continued to call me it, and I grabbed a handful of her ass, something I had wanted to do the minute I laid eyes on her sexy chocolate ass.

She leaned her head on my shoulder. “Don’t think I wanna be your friend forever, Bleu…” I was honest with her.

Navy lifted her head, eyes steady. “I can’t afford another broken heart, Landon. I’ve patched myself up too many times already. You’re a man that gets whatever you want and leaves a trail of wreckage behind. I don’t want to be another name or another unfinished story you forget to end.”

I couldn’t be mad at her honesty because that was how I lived my life. Taking what was given to me and never giving them the closure they needed. Emotions and feelings were all too much to deal with, so I rather give them what I knew they wanted andsend them on their way. Never realizing the harm and damage I was causing them in the end.

---