Page 57 of The VIP Package

“No, I just—” What am I trying to say? “Don’t you think it’s remarkable for two people who’ve been married three years to still be so sexually in-tune with each other?”

I watch as his eyes fill with feeling.Shit.

That’s not how I meant it. I’m not trying to bring up his marriage or probe into his past about?—

“You’re right,” he says softly. “It is remarkable.”

I relax just a little, my hand still riding the waves of his breath. The thump of his heart under my palm might still be from sex, but I don’t think it is. Ash is keyed up and I’m suddenly not sure how to read him.

His eyes flutter shut and a hand moves to cover my own, which still lies flat on his chest. We lie there like that for five seconds. Ten. Fifteen. Waves shush the shore outside my window and the lull of the sea almost lets me believe something big hasn’t shifted.

But I’ve been a shrink a long time. Something is different in Ash tonight. I feel it in my bones.

We lie there in silence for five minutes at least. Just as I start to get up for some water, Ash speaks.

“I got married young,” he says softly. “I didn’t have a great childhood, so maybe I was looking for some kind of stability I didn’t get from my parents.”

There’s the slightest upturn in his voice at the end of that sentence, so I’m sensing he wants a response. “That’s very common,” I say softly.

It must be what Ash needed from me. “Brigitte and I had Grayson right away,” he continues. “That little boy was my whole world. I loved him with my whole twisted heart.”

My own heart breaks at the catch in his voice. I circle my palm over his chest, attempting to soothe all his pain. “I’m so sorry, Ash.” I can’t even imagine that loss. “This must be tremendously painful.”

He doesn’t acknowledge my words, but he also doesn’t argue. Doesn’t pretend he’s some coldhearted, emotionless monster. Just draws a deep breath and keeps going.

“Even before Grayson was born, Brigitte and I didn’t have a great sex life.” He opens his eyes and looks straight into mine. “I apologize.”

“What for?”

“It’s inappropriate to broach that subject while naked in your bed.”

I need to tread carefully here. “If you’re talking about being vulnerable with me, I think naked in bed is as good a time as any.”

“Okay.” He releases a long, shaky sigh, his eyes falling shut again. “I’m not telling you that to disparage my late wife. Just stating the fact that our libidos were mismatched from the start.”

“It happens,” I say, commanding myself not to ask any questions. To let him speak freely.

But the silence drags out for another long minute. Then two. There’s a reason he said what he did. If Ash doesn’t know or isn’t sure how to say it, then maybe he does need a nudge.

“Were you the partner with the higher drive?” I know better than to assume. “Or was it your late wife?”

He’s silent so long I don’t think he’ll answer.

“I refuse to blame my actions on my high sex drive like there’s some kind of clinical cause for how I behaved in my marriage.” He lets out a long, ragged breath. “I lied and I cheated because I’m an asshole. It’s as simple as that.”

My clinical training says otherwise. “It’s never that simple, Ash.” I’m walking on eggshells contradicting him, but maybe he needs to hear this. “Good people make poor choices every day.”

Ash shakes his head, eyes still shuttered like he can’t bear to see me. “I was not a good person. Not even close.” He’s using past tense, which is noteworthy. “If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d force myself to be faithful. To be a good husband instead of the asshole who betrayed her.”

“Oh, Ash.” I’ve counseled enough clients through infidelity to know it’s never that easy. “We all have regrets. We all make mistakes.”

“I made way more than my share. I was young and stupid but that’s absolutely no excuse for being a pompous, selfish prick who believed I was entitled to sex outside my marriage.” His jaw clenches tight and his eyes remain shut. “I believed myself to be so skilled at deceit that my wife would never find out.”

“But she did.”

“She did. Not once, but many times.” The ache in his voice hurts my heart. Not just for Ash, but for his poor late wife. Whatever sort of relationship these two had, they must have loved one another on some level.

My fingers curl into his chest. His hand’s still on mine when Ash opens his eyes and looks at our fingers like he’s seeing them for the first time.

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