Page 95 of Fumbled Beginning

His eyes dropped to the floor. “I’m so sorry about everything. For getting scared. For the things I said. I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but I was scared of needing you and terrified of losing you.”

Dark shadows tinted under his eyes, and the exhaustion was heavy on his face. He looked miserable, and my heart ached for him. All I wanted to do was comfort him, but I couldn’t let him off that easily.

“You broke my heart.” I swallowed hard, trying to fight off the tears.

“I broke mine too.” His eyes held so much sadness. And for the first time, I saw the man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Who struggled with himself and felt responsible for things that were out of his control.

I hated to think of him in pain, but he took things too far. He pushed my feelings aside when I begged him to believe me; he chose this ending, not me.

I stood taller, feeling a small amount of confidence return. “You showed up at my door, accused me of lying, of cheating on you, and basically stabbing you in the back. You didn’t even give me the courtesy to explain or defend myself. Your mind was already made up, and now that you know the truth, I’m supposed to just forgive you and take you back?”

He scrubbed a hand over his beard. “I know there is no excuse for the way I acted. I regret every damn stupid thing I said. I’m not even going to ask for your forgiveness, because I’ll never forgive myself. But I hope you’ll at least give me a second chance to prove to you that I will never, ever doubt you again.”

Tears pooled in my eyes. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You made me feel like I didn’t matter.”

He pulled on the back of his neck. “That couldn’t be any further from the truth. I didn’t mean any of it. Once the words started flying from my mouth, I couldn’t stop them. I would give anything to go back and not push you away.”

“I would never betray your trust,” I said, needing him to understand that.

“I didn’t know that at the time and I should have.”

I wiped at my cheeks. “Thank you for your honesty.”

“Tell me what to do?” He stepped forward and cupped my cheek. Just a simple touch was going to be my undoing.

“I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if we can move past this.”

My heart was telling me to say yes but look where that got me.

I kept replaying the events over and over in my head; all I could see was his angry face and hear his hurtful words. And just thinking about it made me feel like I was right back in my living room again.

He wrapped his fingers around my wrist. “Rylee, I hate to ask this, but I need to know. Do you still love me?”

“As much as I don’t want to, I do. I’m pretty sure I always will.”

If he were any other man, I would have given up by now. I wouldn’t be standing in an empty bar with tears rolling down my cheeks. Wait a minute. I glanced around, noticing the empty seats; even the bartender was gone.

“Did you…” I moved my head from side to side, noticing there wasn’t a soul in sight.

“Yes.” His forehead dropped to mine. “I had the owner close the bar down and paid him for his time. I needed you alone, without an audience.”

We stood there, breathing each other in. I pressed my hands to his shoulders. “You went to a lot of trouble just to get me alone.”

“You’re worth it.” His arms wrapped around me. “There is no one else in this world for me. You are the love of my life, and losing you was like losing the other half of my soul.”

My jaw fell open at that proclamation, and it took me a minute to find my bearings. “Please don’t say stuff like that to me, unless you mean it. My heart can’t take much more.”

He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. “No truer words have ever been spoken.”

I wasn’t sure how many seconds passed, but his fingers splayed along my hips, pressing me closer. “Rylee, say something.”

I licked my dry lips. “This feels like a dream. All I ever wanted was to be with you. I hoped that someday you would love me, and I was prepared to stay with you even if you didn’t. Watching you walk away and take my heart with you was something I never want to experience again.”

“You won’t.” He kissed a salty tear away as it trailed down to my chin. “You have my word.”

I grabbed his arms, needing something to hold on to. “If I take you back, I can’t lose you again. You have to promise me.”

“Rylee, the first time I saw you walk onto the practice field, wearing a pair of short jean shorts and a tiny red crop top, I almost tripped during drills because my eyes were glued on you instead of the grass.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Just the sight of you literally almost knocked me over. I was so annoyed with myself because I never got distracted and you somehow knocked the wind right out of me. I felt something move across my chest, something I couldn’t explain. Something I never felt before, not even with Caroline.”

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