Page 72 of Fumbled Beginning

“She was a champ. Way more understanding than she needed to be, about everything.”

He side-eyed me. “Things seem to be going good between you two.”

“Better than I expected.” I sipped my beer and kept my eyes on the game.

“I could tell from the way you looked at her.”

I rolled my shoulders, feeling tension come on. “How did I look at her?”

“Like she was the only woman in the room.” He smiled smugly.

“That’s what happens when you spend time with someone you really like.” I shot him a look and turned my attention back to the game.

“Like, huh? It looked as though you more than ‘like’ to me.”

He wasn’t wrong. My confession didn’t send her running for the hills like I thought it would. If anything, it made us stronger. It made me realize how lucky I was to have her in my life. And it made me wonder if maybe, just maybe, we could do this.

“We’ve been seeing each other and having a good time.”

He leaned forward. “She’s the first woman you’ve been serious with since Caroline.”

He was hitting a nerve and trying to trick me into admitting how I really felt. “She is, and before you start getting any crazy ideas, we are still trying to figure out the next steps.”

“Want my two cents?”

“No.”

“Great, here it is.” He held his hand up when I started to protest. “I’m not going to tell you what to do because you’re going to do whatever the hell you want, but you need to let Caroline go, brother. It’s been twelve years, and all the blame and guilt you put yourself through doesn’t change what happened. You were eighteen. We all did stupid shit back then, it could have been any one of us behind the wheel. Yet, you were the only person on that boat who jumped in the water to try to save her. What happened was a freak accident. The only person that blames you is you. You’ve finally found something good; it’s time to let yourself off the hook.”

I guess we were going there. “How do you know that no one blames me? And why are we talking about this now?”

“I saw Chuck and Michelle at the banquet. I heard what they said. They don’t have an ounce of animosity toward you. If anything, they are grateful and appreciate everything you’ve done for Caroline. Taking care of her financially wasn’t your responsibility, but you did, and you still do. That’s the type of guy you are. You take care of the people you care about.”

Seeing Chuck and Michelle was unexpected, but even I had to admit, it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I didn’t keep in touch with them, but they still reached out to me every year to thank me for helping with Caroline’s medical bills. It was the least I could do, seeing it was my fault. I made more money than I could ever spend in one lifetime, so the financial contribution was the easy part for me. I would still trade places with her in a heartbeat or hand over every cent I owned if it would make her whole again.

I scratched the side of my jaw. “What’s your point, Mike?”

He turned in his seat and studied me. “I know what Caroline meant to you, but it’s well past time you start focusing on your future. Rylee is a great girl. She’s smart, beautiful, funny, and for some reason she cares about you, so don’t screw it up. This may be your only chance at happiness.”

My brother was one of the few people who didn’t kiss my ass and gave it to me straight. Something I appreciated and hated.

“I don’t know how to do that and still live with myself. It fucks with my head just thinking about it. And Rylee, who’s to say I won’t end up hurting her?”

“Are you sure it’s not your own heart you’re trying to protect?”

“I’d rather rip my own heart out than do anything to hurt Rylee.”

“That may be true, but by playing it safe, you risk losing her. You’ll never move forward if you don’t make some changes. What if she’s the one?”

My feelings for her have evolved significantly since we’ve been together. She has become someone important to me. I see things more clearly since I’ve been with her. She has accepted me for who I am, not what I am. And I don’t question her loyalty or her feelings.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one for me, but was I the one for her?

“When did you and Rachel figure out that you two belonged together?” I asked, draining the rest of my drink.

“I realized it right after she broke up with me.” His eyes got a distant look as if he were reliving the memory.

“I don’t remember you guys breaking up.”