Page 66 of Fumbled Beginning

And they were little things like how she loved macaroni salad but hated mayonnaise, and how she would get annoyed when I tried to look at my phone during dinner. She would complain that I talked too much during a movie but loved to have a conversation while watching sports highlights. The girl loved going for walks but despised exercising, something I would never understand.

Even things that I would typically find annoying, I thought were cute, like her need to sleep with four pillows every night and the way she hogged all the covers. From her favorite foods to her biggest pet peeves, I’d learned them all. But at the end of the day, did all that really matter if I wasn’t being completely honest with her? Was it fair that we knew all these little things about each other while avoiding all the big stuff?

Like, where did we go from here? She deserved every part of me, not just the pieces I allowed her to have. In reality, I was grateful to have her in my life, but I still struggled every goddamned day with trying to be enough for her. Grateful for the time we had yet waiting for the moment to come when she decided she wanted more.

She brushed her cheek along my stubbled jaw. “Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?”

I positioned her so she was sitting on my lap. “Just thinking about what happened earlier, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to cut this weekend short and leave early.”

Her hands went around my neck. “I’m not going to get scared away from one shitty dinner with your father.”

“It’s not just that.” I swallowed hard as she studied my face. “There is a reason why I avoid this town and only come back if I absolutely have to.”

“I’ve got news for you, buddy, I’m not going anywhere. Wherever you go, I go. I got your back.”

A relaxed smile lifted my lips. “I was nervous about bringing you here, but after today, I’m glad I did. Thanks for sticking it out with me.”

“JP.” She hesitated for a moment. “I know something is bothering you, something bigger than the mess with your dad. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. I know you don’t trust easily, but whatever you share stays between us. I just want you to know that.”

“I do trust you, Rylee. I promise, once we put this weekend behind us, I will tell you everything.”

She pursed her lips. “Fair enough. Just so you know, we all have things from our past that make us vulnerable and question things.”

“Are you talking from experience?” I kneaded my fingers into her hip.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Only if you feel comfortable talking about it.” I more than wanted to know, but she deserved the same courtesy she showed me.

“You’re the first guy I’ve dated where I haven’t had to worry about being used to get to my brother.”

“Your ex, Dickhead Dom, used you to get to Mav?”

Her fingers played with the ends of my hair. “I don’t think that was his intention, but I don’t think he minded the perks that went along with dating me. I was referring to guys in college and shortly after, when Maverick became famous. It was hard having a football god as your brother because I never knew if the guy at the time really wanted me for me, or if I was just a means to an end. There were a couple of losers that I knew for sure were using me, and one I really liked, that one stung.”

Hatred and jealousy filled my bones for every man who came before me and was too stupid to appreciate what they had. For making her think she was anything less than what she was. To me, she was slowly becoming my everything.

“Please tell me Mav kicked their ass.”

“He doesn’t know about them.”

I shook my head. “I want names and addresses.”

Her eyes crinkled in the corners. “You going to defend my honor, big guy?”

“I will gladly kick any guy in the nuts who treated you wrong.”

She threw her head back in laughter. It was such a beautiful sound. “Look at you, getting all protective of me.”

I pulled her flush against my chest; I couldn’t get her close enough. “Rylee, you’re way too good for a man like me, and those assholes didn’t deserve a second of your time. If they couldn’t see the beautiful, smart woman you are, then it’s their fucking loss and my gain.”

“Thank you.” Her hands ran along my shoulders. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad things didn’t work out with them either, because I wouldn’t be here with you if they did.”

I pushed a wet strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“Why do you think you’ll lose me?”

I looked into her eyes and swallowed hard. Every fear, every doubt came rushing to the forefront of my brain.

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