He shook his head. “No, I want you to stay.”
I tiptoed to the dresser and pulled out one of his white T-shirts. JP took his jeans off and slipped under the covers. He looked tormented and broken, and there were so many questions on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t even know where to start.
I settled in next to him, and instead of reaching for me like he did every night, he stayed on his side of the bed. He stared up at the ceiling and didn’t even look at me. Instead of kissing me good night or wrapping his arms around me, he turned off the lights and pulled the comforter over us. Once we were in the dark, I let the first tear fall. And once I could hear his soft snores and knew he was asleep, I flipped the covers off my body, quietly got dressed, walked downstairs, and called an Uber.
CHAPTER24
JP
I stoodoutside Rylee’s office door, trying to summon the courage to face her. I’ve spent the last three hours panicking about all the different thoughts there were probably running through her head. I’d thought about calling and apologizing a million times, but I was afraid anything I said would only make matters worse.
The last thing I expected when I got home was to see Rylee waiting for me in my bedroom. She looked downright beautiful last night, and part of me wanted to weep at the sight of her. But making love to her didn’t feel right. I knew that’s what she wanted and expected, but I couldn’t touch her with the emotions of the day hanging over my head. I didn’t realize how heavy of a load I was carrying until I said my final goodbye.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she was drawing the wrong conclusion, so it was time to fix the mess I made.
I knocked three times and pushed the door open.
The second I stepped inside her office, my heart slammed to a standstill. I was such a fuckup.
Her face was puffy; her eyes were red; she looked utterly broken. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and make us whole again.
“Can we talk?” I asked, pushing through the ball of regret lodged in the back of my throat.
She wiped at her cheeks. “I’m getting ready to leave for the Nashville conference. Can we talk when I get back?”
Damn it! I forgot about that.
“I can’t let you leave like this.” She was slipping away; I could feel it. There was no way I was letting her leave for three days, thinking that I didn’t want her. I needed her to understand what happened in Saratoga.
She stood from her chair and started packing up for her meetings. “I don’t have time for this conversation right now.”
I took a step closer, and when she didn’t flinch, I took another. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you for apologizing.” She zipped up her computer bag and set it on the floor beside her luggage.
“You deserved one, but I’d like to take it a step further if you’d let me. I’d like for us to talk,” I said quickly, not wanting to waste another second. “The things I said, the way I hurt you, was all wrong. I took my pain out on you and you didn’t deserve that.”
Her eyes flashed to mine. “You turned me away last night, JP, and not just physically. I was embarrassed, hurt, and angry. It felt like you didn’t want me at all. I understand that you were dealing with something you weren’t ready to talk about, but you could have still given me some type of reassurance that we were okay. You were cold and distant. Do you have any idea what that did to me? How it made me feel? I was confused, wondering if I did something wrong and second-guessing my place in your life.”
“Rylee, you are the most important thing in my life. It’s my fault that you don’t realize it. Hell, I didn’t even realize it myself until recently.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “What are you saying?”
“I am hopelessly and desperately in love with you. I don’t want to lose you.”
She sucked in a breath of disbelief. “You love me?”
“I do, and I should have told you last night.”
She wiped at her cheeks and took a few deep breaths. “Then why did you shut me out?”
“Because I was an emotional mess. Every time I see Caroline trapped in that fucking room, with a brain and a body that doesn’t work anymore, I can’t help but blame myself.”
“JP, you were eighteen years old, it’s time to stop punishing yourself. It was a freak accident.”
“I was the one driving the boat.”
“You were also the only one who jumped in after she fell into the water. You did everything you could. You saved her life.”