Page 80 of Fumbled Love

“Not yet. I wasn’t saying anything until I was sure. I didn’t want her to carry the burden of thinking she swayed my decision somehow. Although, I’m not sure keeping this from her is a good idea either. Shit.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m already screwing things up, aren’t I?” I asked, laughing at my own joke.

“Son, I’ve been married to your mother for thirty-five years and I still screw up.” He leaned back. “So, your mind is made up?”

“I think so.” I looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to just see my kid during the off-season. I don’t want to break promises and beg for forgiveness when I can’t follow through on things I said I would.” I gritted my teeth, hating the very thought of it.

I didn’t know much about being a parent, but I knew beyond anything that I wanted to be a part of my child’s life. When I looked back at my own childhood and how supportive my parents were, that was what I wanted. They cheered me on from the stands, from Pop Warner football to the NFL. They didn’t miss one school open house and were always around to help with homework and projects. I grew up eating home-cooked meals in my mother’s kitchen and hanging out in my dad’s workshop on Saturdays. They would host pool parties and movie nights in the backyard. That was the life I wanted. I didn’t want to live out of a hotel room six months of the year. I didn’t want to worry about missing a flight and not making a birthday party or anniversary dinner. I’d seen the toll it took on my teammates, and it sucked.

“Maverick,” he said, twisting his lips in thought. “Relationships take work and you’ve never been afraid to put the time and effort into anything. Whether it’s on the field or off, you’ve always managed to make things happen. Have a little faith in yourself and roll with the punches. It will all work out.”

“But my life isn’t just about football anymore, Dad.”

His eyes softened in understanding. “No, it’s life, son. It’s messy, it’s complicated, and it’s hard. You’re going to make mistakes. There is nothing about the walk of life that is straight and easy. It’s cracked and filled with uncertainty. But if you stay on track and allow yourself to see through the cracks, you’ll learn nothing is impossible.”

Leaning forward, I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I want a normal life and I want my kid to have a normal life and we both know the paparazzi won’t make that easy.” I yanked on the ends of my hair, wishing I could punch something. “Have you been online lately? Have you seen the shit they’re saying about Kinley?”

He steepled his hands under his chin. “Son, there will be another headline dominating the news by tomorrow. You know how the celebrity world operates. You can’t protect her from everything. If she loves you, she will find a way to balance it all. But you need to prove to her that you are in it for the long haul.”

“That’s exactly why I think retiring now is the right thing to do. I want to be a dad, just like you were. I want my family to feel like a priority. I have to give up football eventually. I’ve already given the league all of me. I’ve got nothing left to prove and everything to lose. I don’t want to lose time with my kid that I’ll never get back. I don’t want Kinley to feel like she’s second best to my career. Family is forever. Football is not.”

My old man’s eyes were watery as they stared back at me. “I’m proud of you, son. And you are right; you’ve already proven all you need to prove. You don’t owe football another thing. I’m proud of the man you are and always have been. But it takes a lot of courage to walk away from something you love for the unknown. You’re going to make a great father and husband someday.”

I wiped at my eyes. “Thanks, Dad.”

“So,” he cleared his throat, “it sounds like you’ve come to a decision.”

“Yeah, I think I have.”

“Good.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. “Now, let’s go out on your balcony and celebrate with a drink. I need a smoke after that chat.”

* * *

I took a deep breath and stared at the message on my screen. “Good luck.” I read my dad’s text one last time before I powered down my phone. I walked into the large conference room. Coach Ludden, Julian, my agent, Jerry Fields, the GM, and the owner of the Arrows, Beau Landers, were congregated along the sleek glass table. Beau wore a black tailored suit, his white hair was combed to the side, and his signature mustache was neatly trimmed.

“It’s good to see you.” Coach Ludden extended his hand.

“Thanks for meeting me.” I smiled as we all shook hands and made small talk. I asked Julian to put the meeting together after office hours. The press was usually gone by this time, and I didn’t want this to get leaked.

Jerry cleared his throat, causing the chatter to stop. “Shall we get started?”He motioned for me to sit in one of the empty chairs.

“What is the reason behind this meeting?” Beau asked, flipping through a stack of papers on his desk.

“I wanted to talk to you about my contract next season.” I looked over to Julian and met his eyes.

Beau leaned back in his chair. “While we appreciate your enthusiasm to return to the field, you have yet to be cleared to play, and we can’t officially offer you a contract until the team doctor has his final assessment. Until then, nothing has been decided.”

“Actually.” I coughed into my hand nervously. “A decision has been made.”

He snapped his head up, and all eyes shifted to me. “I’m not following?”

“I appreciate all you’ve done for me.”

“Is this about money?” Jerry cut in.

“I wish it was,” Julian mumbled, and I glared. To say he wasn’t happy about my decision would be an understatement. We had a brief falling out when I informed him about my plans. My career was a huge reason why his even existed, so he didn’t understand where I was coming from. He begged me to come back for one more season, but I stayed firm on my decision, and it pissed him off. He had other clients, but I was his biggest.

I cleared my throat and looked across the table. “Over a good chunk of my life, I’ve given football one hundred percent. I’ve loved the game and the fact that it’s allowed me to live my dream and compete on a level that most players will never get the chance to, but I think there comes a point where you realize you’ve had your fill and it’s time to move on.”

It seemed every man in the room had a different reaction. Beau drew his eyebrows together and waited a minute to see if I was serious. Jerry looked like that was the last thing he expected me to say. Julian sat silently, letting me know how pissed off he was. And Coach looked like he had mixed feelings about my announcement.

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