Page 62 of Fumbled Love

“Just be honest and admit that this has nothing to do with work.”

“You’re right.” I could hear the anxiety in her voice, and it made me think twice about snapping at her. “I know this is completely unfair to you, I’m just not ready to go public.”

My stomach twisted as the reality of our situation hit me. I kept telling myself that Kinley would eventually get there with me, but I was suddenly having doubts if she ever could.

“Kinley, I live a life that sometimes puts me in the spotlight. I can’t change that. But I can do whatever I can to make sure you’re protected.”

“Fangirls aren’t always polite.”

No, they weren’t. They were vultures, ready to attack at a second’s notice. Some were bat-shit crazy. That’s why I was so conflicted. Her fears were valid, yet I couldn’t change who I was. And whether she liked it or not, the press would eventually find out. The only thing I could do was protect her to the best of my ability.

“I’ll deal with it.”

“What do you think will happen when they find out I’m pregnant?” Her words had my agitation building. She was being so damn stubborn. It was one of the things I admired and hated. “They’ll think I trapped you. They’ll paint me as a gold-digger who is looking for an NFL baby daddy.”

“First off, we will spin this story in your favor. The world will fall in love with you by the time my PR team is done. And second, you’re not even showing yet. No one will even know you’re pregnant.”

“Yet.”

Jesus Christ! I needed a fucking drink. “I don’t know what else I can do here. This is the world I live in.” Thank God she couldn’t see me because I was about to lose my shit.

“I know that, but once the relationship is out there, it’s done. I just want a little more time to enjoy my private life and prepare before I take on the challenge.”

“I understand you want to protect your privacy.” Frustration licked my bones. The way she was hell-bent on living in the shadows had me wondering if this could ever work. She couldn’t possibly think she could hide forever. “But I can’t change who I am,” I said, feeling my face contort with frustration and sadness. I desperately wanted things to work out between us. This was the first time where I doubted what we had would be enough.

Why couldn’t she see that I wanted to announce to the world that I had found something special? Show her off so everyone could see how happy she made me.

“I know, and I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be right now. Trust me, I would if I could.”

What the hell did that even mean? Did I even want to know? No, I did not.

“I just want you to be you, Kinley,” I said, keeping my voice calm. I hated every part of this conversation. And I especially hated doing this over the damn phone. I convinced myself that I could persuade her if we had this discussion face-to-face, or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.

“And I want to be with you too.” Her voice filled with sadness, and I wish I were there to comfort her. “I’m just not ready to face the judgment of your fans or prepared to see how the media decides to review our relationship.”

I held back on what I really wanted to say. I wasn’t happy with her decision, but going back and forth wasn’t going to solve anything either. And as much as I told myself it was just the fear talking, her rejection still stung. “I guess I have no other option than to accept your decision.”

“You sound mad?”

I ran a hand through my hair and blew out a breath. “Honestly, I’m crabby because it feels like you will never warm up to this life.” I didn’t want to go there with her, but my agitation had reached its breaking point. “Unfortunately, I can’t do a damn thing about it. I get it, okay. It’s the downside of being in the public eye. Do you think I like having to smile every time someone recognizes me or wants to take my picture? You don’t think I wish I could walk into a sports bar with a few buddies and watch a game and drink a cold beer without being heckled by fans or haters, depending on the week? Do you have any idea how badly I would love to take my girlfriend out on a normal date? Do something as simple as walk into a random restaurant or take a walk through the park without being recognized?” I drew in a sharp breath and shook my head. “And you know what really sucks? I can’t complain because I’m doing something I love and have achieved success at a level most people only dream about.”

Instead of lashing back at me as I expected, I was greeted with silence. I thought getting it all off my chest would make me feel better. Instead, I felt like a grade A asshole. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you.” I hung my head. “I’m just frustrated.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me. Logically, I know you don’t have a choice. There is a lot of change and uncertainty in your life at the moment. The last thing I want is to come between you and your career.”

“You’re not.” I stood up and started pacing the room. “Kinley, do you still want to do this with me?”

“Yes,” she said softly, and I felt the relief leave my shoulders. “I might not be ready to come out as your girlfriend, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to be with you. I just need a little patience.”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Always,” she said into the phone.

“I’m not going to pretend that your decision doesn’t bother me.” I pressed my lips together. “But I understand that you need to prepare for my lifestyle. It’s not for everyone, I get it…” My words trailed off. “Just promise me that if you don’t think this is going to work between us, you will tell me. Whatever you decide won’t impact my role in raising this child with you.”

“I promise.” Her voice shook with emotion. “But I do want this with you. I don’t expect you to keep me a secret forever. I just want to enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other better.”

“I understand.”

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