Page 11 of Fumbled Love

“Why else would he ask you to be his date every year?” she asked, swiping a cookie off my desk and shoving it in her mouth.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to go alone.” I pushed the tray of cookies out of her reach before she could steal another one. “Now, did you swing by my office to check to see how I’m doing or are you just here to annoy me, because I have work to do?”

“Actually…” She inched forward, but I dropped my arm over my tray, preventing her from stealing another one.

“Stop eating my cookies. You have your own.”

She crossed her arms. “You’re mean.”

“You’ll live.” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes right back at me. “Want to take a guess who I saw last night?”

“Considering you were on a date last night at Julliard, I don’t have a clue.”

She grinned. “I saw your one-night stand. The football player.”

“Where?” I sat up in my chair and placed my hand over my pounding heart.

Her grin deepened into a full-blown smile. “On one of the flat screens at O’Grady’s. We stopped on the way home for a drink.”

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” I kept my hand pressed against my chest as if that could somehow get it to stop beating so fast. For a split second, I got excited, thinking he was back in town again. God, I was such a head case.

“Speaking of heart attack, he got mine going pretty damn good. Have you seen that new bodywash commercial that just came out? Jesus.” She fanned herself. “It only showed him stepping out of the shower from the waist up, but damn.”

Instead of answering her, I looked off to the side. I had firsthand knowledge of how beautiful his body was. It had been two weeks, and my heart was a flipping mess of emotions. He was the reason I was falling further behind with my work. He was the reason why I couldn’t sleep at night. I was too busy being distracted by remembering every little detail and wishing we could do it again.

That night was a mistake, even though it didn’t feel like one, because clearly, it did more harm than good to my already fragile heart.

Taylor snapped her fingers. “Earth to Kinley.”

“Sorry.” I leaned back in my chair. “I spaced out for a second.”

“Where did you go?” She smirked. “You looked like you were seeing stars, or maybe…” she paused for dramatic effect. “Football helmets.”

“Knock it off,” I scolded, and rearranged a stack of papers on my desk that didn’t need rearranging.

“Have you thought about reaching out to him?”

I looked at my office door to ensure no one was listening to this conversation. “And say what?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe ask him if he’s interested in hooking up again.” I gave her a blank stare. “Or maybe tell him who you really are. I mean, you are still friends with his sister, right?”

“I’ll always be friends with Rylee, we just don’t keep in touch as much as we used to.” I shifted in my seat. “And there is no way he will ever find out it was me he slept with, because I don’t ever plan on seeing him again.”

That night kept replaying over and over in my head, leaving me unsettled for many different reasons. I was ashamed and embarrassed and never expected to feel so much guilt. Not for spending the night with him but for pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

“Do you think it would have mattered to him if he knew who you were?”

Her comment gave me pause. “Oh, I’m pretty sure that night never would have happened if he knew it was me.”

I’ll never forget when he came home from college to attend a high school football game. The team was headed toward a state championship, and he decided to make a surprise appearance. I was one of the few people who knew he would be attending the game. So, I went to Hollister, bought a cute pair of tight jeans and a white, revealing tank top and drowned myself in a bottle of perfume from Victoria’s Secret. I even splurged on an expensive makeup palette from Sephora.

When he walked up the bleachers to greet everyone, I stood up and expected a hug and kiss on the cheek like everyone else. Instead, he ruffled my hair and said, “how are you doing, kiddo?”

No hug. No kiss. Nothing but a pet on the head that lasted all of five seconds. All my well-earned babysitting money went down the drain, along with the tears I shed from the humiliation.

“Well then, you better hope you don’t run into him while you’re home visiting your family.” She chuckled and took a sip of her coffee.

---