Page 16 of Whatever It Takes

Tension settled in her shoulders, and I wanted so badly to reach out and grab her hand and comfort her. I hated to see her so upset, and it made me crazy knowing that I had no one else to blame but myself.

“How are you holding up?” I asked cautiously. “I mean really.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected of her answer. It’s been years since our world fell apart. I’ve accepted that she moved on with her life, but I wasn’t going to lie and say that it didn’t feel like we made progress tonight.

She set her spoon down and bowed her head. “I’m doing the best I can.” Her voice was so low I almost didn’t hear her. “It sucks because I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel. Nothing about my current situation is easy. It’s not like Grant and I had this perfect marriage.” She looked away, her eyes blazed with emotion. “But my daughter doesn’t deserve this. I love that little girl more than anything and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her. What Grant did…” She closed her eyes and bit down on her lip. God, it killed me to see her like this. I wanted to kill that fucker. If I thought I hated him before, nothing compared to how I felt now. “He killed five people. He also left my daughter without a father. He destroyed everything.”

My jaw pulsed with frustration. “He didn’t deserve you,” I said, feeling her out. “I’m so fucking sorry.” She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. I held her gaze, feeling my throat burn. “I fucked up all those years ago. I walked away from you, from us, when things got hard. I left for California knowing I was breaking your heart. I was terrified of letting you down. God…” I ran my hand through my hair, wishing I had a drink in front of me. I could have used a beer. “Those first few months after we broke up were so fucking painful. There were so many times where I wanted to just pack up and beg for your forgiveness. Beg for you to take me back. Because I knew even then that I had made a mistake. But I was young and stupid and let my pride get in the way. I never should have lied and told you that there was someone else, but it was the only way to get you to stop calling.”

“You broke my heart, Quinn.” She swiped a tear from her cheek. “You promised me forever.”

“And you gave your forever to someone else,” I said and immediately cursed myself for allowing the words to leave my mouth. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Her face looked solemn, but resigned. I knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy, but we couldn’t keep avoiding it either. She looked at the floor, her eyes filled with something I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Say something,” I pleaded. The blank look on her face was killing me.

She lifted her gaze to mine. “Do you know how I ended up with him?”

Her question caught me off guard. I’ve asked myself that same question a million times. He was never good enough for her. It always felt like he stole her out from under me. If I had never left her, there was no doubt that we would still be together. I don’t know how I knew that, I just did.

“Only if you want to tell me.” I swallowed. A part of me wanted to stop this conversation. I didn’t want to hear about her marriage to Grant, but avoiding this topic wasn’t going to make the reality of it go away.

“Because on the day you lied and told me you met someone, Grant invited me to go out with him and a few of his friends. I went with the intention of drinking you out of my system. I don’t remember everything that happened, but I do remember waking up in his bed the next morning.”

I put my hands behind my head and tried to block out that image.

“The second I realized where I was, I regretted it. I told him I was still in love with you and I wasn’t ready for another relationship.” I drew my eyebrows together and tried to connect the dots on how we got here. “Then I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later.”

“So, are you saying you only married him because he knocked you up?”

“Partially, yes.”

I gripped the edge of the booth, my fingers digging into the dark wood. “What the hell does that mean, Charlotte? You either loved him or you didn’t.”

“It’s not that simple, Quinn.” My gut twisted as I tried to wrap my brain around what she just told me. “He was my friend. I trusted him. He promised to take care of me and give me a good life. I figured it was better than trying to raise a baby on my own.”

My mouth hung open. You’ve got to be shitting me. “Women raise kids all the time on their own. You didn’t have to marry him if you didn’t love him.”

“And you didn’t have to move away to California and put an end to our future either.”

That one hurt, but I deserved it.

“I don’t expect you to fully understand this, but I grew to love him over time.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “When you left me I was devastated. I did what I could to get through each day. Every night I prayed that you would come back to me. Every damn day I prayed that you would finally answer your phone and talk to me. But you never did.” I sat there and watched helplessly as the moisture built up in her eyes. “He took care of me and did whatever he could to make things easier for me.” I ran my hands across my face feeling frustrated. I wanted to punch myself for leaving her. I’ve regretted and second-guessed my decision more times than I could count. “The reason I’m telling you this is because I know you and Grant never saw eye to eye, but he was there for me, Quinn, when you walked away.” I wanted to tear that motherfucker in two. He was there all right. Right there to slide in and take my place. “What started out as friendship grew into something stronger. It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually my feelings changed. So, yes, I loved Grant. I’m not saying this to rub it in your face, because God knows, if you would have called, came back, I would have been yours. But you never did.”

“I did come back.”

“What?”

“I heard about the wedding. I went to the lake that day with every intention of stopping it, until I saw you. I stood in the back. Hiding in the fucking shadows like a stalker and watched you marry the son of a bitch.”

I fixed my gaze over her head, remembering how happy she looked that day. Never in my life had I ever experienced such deep and intense emotional pain. For weeks after, I was numb, like someone had knocked me down and I couldn’t get back up. Witnessing her marry Grant changed me. I could never quite find my footing after that.

She wiped her face with the pads of her fingers. “I had no idea.”

“You looked so beautiful, and when I saw you, all I thought was that I wanted you to be happy.” I sighed, needing to get this off my chest. “I’ve loved you since the first time I ever laid eyes on you, but when I saw that you were pregnant with his child, professing your love and your forever to him, I hated you.”

“Quinn,” she cried and reached for my hand across the table. I placed my palms inside hers. As soon as our skin made contact, I felt my heart pulsing inside my chest. I watched our joined hands intently, liking the way they still fit together.

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