Page 84 of Hard To Leave

“Have you ever listened to my music?”

I shook my head and swallowed. “I know I inspired a few songs, but it doesn’t change things between us.”

He placed his hands on my cheeks and stared at me. “Do me a favor. Listen to the words—really listen. Then come back and tell me that it doesn’t change anything. And in the meantime, I’ll try not to be offended by your comment.”

He walked across the room and leaned against the wall. I looked away, feeling my heart ache in places that I never knew I had. There was no doubt that he believed his words to be true, and that’s the part that killed me.

I stepped toward the man who was such a big part of my past. There was so much history between us, much of it painful. “I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. I want to be honest with you though. You were the first man I ever loved, but you’re not the only one anymore.”

His eyes snapped to mine as I fumbled through my words. “What we had was special, and I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you, but we can’t go back to what we had.”

“I know that!” he exclaimed. “But we can move forward.”

I shook my head and slid my eyes shut. “No, we can’t, Brogan. We both moved on and found love again with other people. What you and I had was special, but there is a reason why we failed.” I let out a deep breath. “No matter what’s happened though, I don’t regret a single second of our time together. You gave me a gift and we created something that represented the best parts of both of us. We will always be connected because of Tanner. But that’s where it stops.”

He roughed his hands through his hair as if my words had injured him. “I don’t want to continue to hear all about how you moved on. I refuse to believe that there is no chance for us, but I’ll let it go for now.”

I let out a shaky breath. My words should have been enough to end the discussion, but I felt like he was setting us for another fight. “Fair enough.”

“Tell me about Tanner, because I have a shit ton of questions.”

“I’ll try to answer them as best as I can. Where do you want me to start?”

“From the beginning.”

He took my hand in his and led me to the love seat by the window. I started from the top and explained how I had to drop out of school and move back in with my parents. How I lied to everyone about who the father was. I told him about how happy and sad I felt the minute they placed Tanner in my arms. How I wished he could have been there. How alone I felt. How hard it was. We both cried over all the things he’s missed out on.

It hurt recalling all of the firsts that he never got to be a part of, but I pushed through the pain knowing that I owed him everything. It was hard, and it was raw, and nothing I could ever say, no memory I could share, no picture I could show him, would ever make up for the years he lost.

The conversation turned lighter as we talked about the present. His eyes lit up when we talked about Tanner’s love for baseball and his new starting pitcher role.

“No shit. He’s a chip right off the old block.” His eyes were filled with pride. Brogan had led his high school team to the state championship all four years he played. He was so talented that he was scouted out and offered a free ride to play for Coastal Carolina. But he got injured his sophomore year of college, and that’s when he started to focus on his music.

I laughed. “I thought you would like to know that.”

“I would love to see him play. When’s his next game?”

“I haven’t gotten the schedule yet, but I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll be there.”

I played with my hands and stared down at the floor. “I’m going to talk to him tomorrow after his practice. I just need some time to figure out what I’m going to say.”

“Good. Because I really want to meet him.” He got up and walked from one side of the room to the other. He crossed his arms around his chest. “Also, you should know that from here on out I’m going to be taking care of you both. You can quit your job and do whatever you want.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You can go back to school. Volunteer, whatever makes you happy, but you will never worry about money again.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. Most women would love to hear those words and never worry about paying bills again. But that wasn’t me. It never has been and never will be. If there is one thing I refused to lose, it was my independence.

“If you want to take care of Tanner, you can set up some sort of trust, but I don’t need your money.”

“You’re the mother of my child, and you can bet your ass I will provide for the both of you.”

I forgot how controlling he could be. He was always a take-charge kind of person. No doubt that this personality trait has put him along the path that he’s on today. It takes a thick skin to survive in that business. I had to remind myself that things could be going much worse.

“Fine. Kids today are expensive. And your kid eats enough for two people and grows like a weed, so I’m always replacing his clothes. If you want to contribute toward those things, then I won’t stop you.”

He blew out a deep breath and smiled down at me. I felt a shift in the air, causing my skin to prickle with nerves.

One rough, calloused hand slid up along my neck and landed in my hair. The other reached out and traced along my jaw. I closed my eyes, and all thoughts froze when his mouth met mine. His lips were soft and warm, familiar but different. His grip was strong, and his breaths were needy. There was a push and pull that charged between us. Years of love and guilt, and a magnitude of memories hovered over us. The second his tongue tried to push between my lips, I knew it was wrong.

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