Page 54 of Hard To Leave

Tanner was passedout in my room, and Chloe was tucked against my side on the couch. I couldn’t remember a time when I had done so much walking around in the city. I was so damn tired, that if my building caught fire and the alarms blared, I’d lie on my couch and let the place burn down around me.

I could honestly say that if I never stepped foot in that damn M&M store in Times Square again, it would be fine with me. The wall was covered with dispensers filled with M&Ms in every conceivable color. We got caught up in the moment as Tanner picked color after color until there was no more room left in his bags. By the time we got to the register, we had accumulated almost three pounds of candy. If I had known that you could charge fifteen bucks for a pound of colored M&M’s, I would have invested in that stock ages ago.

True to my word, we managed to visit both Times Square and Rockefeller Center, and warded off a few of those dirty generic superhero characters that were begging for pictures and asking for money.

I adjusted my neck against the back of the pillow. As exhausted as I was, I’ve never felt so content in my life.

Chloe’s fingers were drawing small little circles along my bicep. “Why are you so quiet?”

I picked at a piece of hair that had fallen onto my chest and twirled it around my finger. “Just thinking about how good things have been going between us.”

Her fingers stilled on my shoulder. “You sound surprised.”

How was I supposed to explain how I was feeling when I could barely make sense of it myself? Over the past couple of months, she had me wanting all the things I used to avoid. She had me questioning my past and made me feel things I swore I never would.

“I guess I am in a way because this is all new to me,” I explained, giving her leg a squeeze.

She sat up and stretched her arm out so she could lay her head on it. “You’ve really never been in relationships before?”

I looked down at the small dusting of freckles that you could barely see across her nose. She was so naturally beautiful that sometimes I wondered what the hell she was doing with a guy like me.

“I dated a girl in high school. We were together for four months. Does that count?”

She lifted her head to look at me. “If you cared about her, and she mattered to you, then I guess it counts.”

I wasn’t going to tell her that I really didn’t care about Victoria. There was no need to make myself look like an asshole. In my defense, I was just a typical seventeen-year-old boy looking to get laid. Once I learned that attracting and catching women was easy for me, it became the first and last relationship I ever had. Quite honestly, I enjoyed the chase much more than the catch. And as they say, variety is the spice of life.

My hands went to her hips, and I pulled her over the top of me until she was completely straddling my lap. “How about you? What’s the longest you’ve ever been with somebody?”

Her eyes closed, but I kept mine open so I could stare at her. “Three years.”

“That’s a long time,” I said, forcing myself to swallow. She looked sad, and I mentally kicked myself for asking the question to begin with. “I’m assuming it’s the guy you told me about, the one you dated in college?”

“Yes.” Everything around us went quiet as she stared across the room, doing everything she could to avoid meeting my eyes.

She leaned her head down on my shoulder as my arms wrapped around her. It hit me at that moment that I was in love with her. So in love with her, that the thought of having to fight for space in her heart was painful to even think about.

I rubbed her back trying to calm my racing thoughts. “Do you still keep in touch with him?” I’ve never felt jealousy before, and I must admit it wasn’t a good feeling. I knew she had a past, but the difference was, I’ve never loved anyone before, and it bugged me to think of her having feelings for someone other than me.

She kissed my shoulder and whispered, “It was a long time ago, Jack. I’m not going to lie, he was someone very important to me.” She sighed and sat up a little bit so she could look in my eyes. “He was my first love. We were both so young and naïve. But at the end of the day, we both wanted different things out of life, and neither one of us was willing to compromise enough to make it work. It took me a long time to realize that what we had wasn’t strong enough; it was easier to walk away than to fight for what we had. That’s not the type of foundation you build a future with.”

“You know, I have to ask out of curiosity because we real estate guys love to use building analogies.” I quirked an eyebrow. “How does our foundation look so far?”

She looked at me—really looked at me—as if she could see just how vulnerable I was with her despite my attempt at humor. Whoever the hell this guy was, he was her first love. Isn’t that the love all women compare everything that follows to? Not to mention, he had years with her while I only had months.

“Jack. Every relationship has peaks and valleys. I know from experience that our foundation will get shaky at times, but we’ll keep working on it.” She brushed away a piece of hair that had fallen on my forehead and paused “I love you, Jack.”

Fuck. I loved hearing those words from her. It took me a moment to recover, to let them sink in.

I brought my hands to her face, pulling her mouth to mine. “I love you too. You know that, right?”

She smiled. “I do now.”

Being with Chloe and Tanner gave me a sense of belonging I’ve never felt before. My entire life had always felt like one big jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece, and now it felt like the full picture was finally coming together.

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