Page 97 of Hard To Leave

“What do you mean?”

“Did you go back to Brogan’s hotel room with him?” he asked, challenging me to deny it. “According to the gossip sights, you two are already engaged and looking at mansions.”

I placed my hands on my hips. I was ready to lose it. How could he even think that? ”You can’t be serious? According to the gossip sites, Miley Cyrus has been abducted by aliens. C’mon, Jack, you know me better than that.”

He clenched his jaw. “Do I? I’m not sure I know you as well as I thought I did.”

“Brogan and I have been over for a long time. The last time I checked, I was with you.”

“You have a kid together. He’s Tanner’s father, for Christ’s sake,” he yelled in frustration. “How the hell am I supposed to compete with that?”

My stomach dropped. I didn’t know how the hell we got to where we were, but how could he doubt what we had together? I could handle him being angry and hurt, but I couldn’t handle him not believing in us anymore.

“I can’t change who Tanner’s father is, Jack. And that’s all Brogan is to me. Nothing more. You’re not competing with anyone. It’s you I love. You I want. No one else.”

He moved toward me with purpose. His muscles looked tense, and the look on his face wasn’t very reassuring. “I know his songs are about you. He’s still in love with you.”

Is this where his anger was coming from? He felt threatened? He sounded pissed, but I knew it ran much deeper than that. He was hurting and feeling insecure about us.

“I can’t help that,” I tried to explain on a shaky breath. It felt like I was losing him and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Jack’s eyes narrowed on my mine. “You’re not even trying to deny it.”

I closed my eyes, struggling for the words that would explain this in a way that he would understand. Everything inside me was breaking apart, and I wasn’t sure if we could be put back together again.

“I hate that you have doubts about us. I hate that you’re hurting. But I need you to understand something. Brogan and I ended a long time ago. I love you, Jack.” My eyes were pleading with him. “I know I broke your heart. Let me be the one to heal it. Please, I’m begging you. Don’t give up on us.”

He brought his hand up to my cheek but dropped it. “It would be so easy for me to just pull you into my arms and tell you that everything was going to be okay.” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, I saw the pain that I had caused. “But, I can’t. I know you love me, and I can almost look past you not telling me. But I’m not going to lie, I keep asking myself, what else are you keeping from me?”

A sob broke free from my chest. The fear of losing him was too much. “I swear to you that there are no more secrets.”

“I want to believe you. I do.” He shook his head. “Then there’s the unavoidable fact that your ex is now back in your life. You can’t tell me that doesn’t change the dynamic of our relationship.”

The muscle in his jaw tensed. He had every right to be pissed. Hell, he had every right to never speak to me again, but I wasn’t going down without a fight.

“So, what? You’re just going to hand me over and let him have me?” His head jerked back, I could see the anger rising in his shoulders. “You think I can just get over you. Move on to the next guy? You don’t think I’ve worried and cried every single damned day, wondering how we’re going to survive this? Do you think I’m not scared shitless that I could lose you over a mistake I made when I was twenty years old?” The tears built up in my eyes. I was desperate to get him to come back to me. “You are the man I’m in love with.” I pushed on his chest, demanding that he see the truth. “Don’t you dare leave me.” I sobbed, hitting his shoulder with my fist. “You are the one I want. You belong with us.”

He grabbed my wrist, stopping my assault. “Do I?”

I was exasperated. “Of course, you do. This is absurd.”

“I’m not so sure.” I stared at him, feeling like I hit a brick wall. “Who’s Tanner going to call when he wants to talk about baseball? Who’s he going to go to for advice when he gets older? Who’s going to be sitting next to you at parent-teacher conferences and doctor visits? What’s my role going to be?”

“Jack,” I said softly. “I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that I can’t do this without you.” Tears continued to pour out of my eyes. I’ve cried so much over the past few days I was surprised I still had any left. “Brogan may be his biological father, but he loves you. Please, don’t turn your back on us.” I sobbed.

Jack stepped back, and when he finally spoke, the hurt in his voice hit me hard. “I would never turn my back on him. I just need more than a fucking minute to figure this out, and Tanner needs time to get to know his father. I don’t want to stand in the way.”

“You’re not,” I pleaded. “I know this is going to be an adjustment for everyone, but it doesn’t change how he feels about you. How I feel about you.”

His hung his head in defeat. Like he had given up. “Let’s just take a break. Take some time to let things settle. See where everything lands.”

My sobs were growing louder, and it felt like I was going to choke on my tears. There was no convincing him. He was such a stubborn son of a bitch. All I hoped was that my words sunk in. That he heard me. Really heard me.

“I don’t think you need time.” I stood up taller, feeling more determined. “I know I don’t, but I’ll give it to you. Just let me make myself perfectly clear. You. Are. Not. Breaking. Up. With. Me.”

He rested his forehead against mine and pressed a kiss. “God. I fucking love you.”

My voice cracked. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this.”

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