Page 71 of Hard To Leave

My mom stared at her wineglass; the tension in the room was stifling. “Well, first…” she raised her wineglass in the air. “Happy belated birthday, son.”

“Thank you,” I said, bringing my hand up to the back of my neck and eyeing her cautiously.

“I was hoping we could have this conversation in private, but…”

“Mom!” I cut her off before she could continue. Something about her tone made me uneasy, but I was curious enough to know what it was. “Just tell me whatever it is that you need to tell me.”

“This isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I don’t want you to hear about this from someone else.” She looked jittery; I could tell she was anxious by the way her bottom lip quivered with worry. “I wanted you to know that I’m seeing someone.”

I smacked my glass down on the table, almost snapping it in two. Both women jumped. “It’s that piece of shit I chased out of here that morning, isn’t it?”

She gripped the armrest tightly. “Jack, I know this isn’t the ideal situation, but I hoped that you would give Marcus and me your blessing. Maybe get a chance to get to know him before you go and judge him.”

I threw my head back and laughed. “Un-fucking-believable.” I clenched my hand to my chest. “You know what? I’m not surprised.” I stood up, pointing my finger at her. “But I’ll tell you this, he won’t see a fucking cent of my father’s money. That I can promise you.”

She shot up from the chair. “He has his own money. He doesn’t need my money.”

I moved closer to her. “The only thing you have is this house, and my father’s life insurance policy.” I pointed to my chest. “I run his fucking company now, and I’m in charge of what’s left of his money. All. Of. It.”

“What are you saying, Jack? Spit it out!”

I felt Chloe's arms fold across my bicep. “Once you’re done blowing through that life insurance policy, there will be nothing left. So, enjoy it while you can.” And then I added, “Let’s see if your cougar hunting Casanova still wants you then when you don’t have a pot to piss in.”

Never in a million years did I ever think I could feel so much rage and resentment toward the woman who brought me into this world. My father worked his ass off to build the empire that existed today. Hell would freeze over before I ever let one single fucking dollar go to that gigolo who most likely saw my mother as his meal ticket. She would have to choose, financial stability or a meaningless fling who didn’t give a shit about her.

Her head lowered, and I watched the tears spill from her eyes. “Why do you hate me so much, Jack? Don’t you think I deserve to be happy? Or would it bring you joy to see me wither away and mourn your father for the remainder of my life?”

I brushed Chloe’s hand off my arm and felt heat flare through my veins. I had to remind myself that this was my mother. She wasn’t perfect, but she was still my mother. Of course, I didn’t want her miserable and alone for the rest of her life, but you couldn’t convince me that a man half her age wasn’t simply preying on a weak, older woman looking for a payout.

I was always taught to believe the best of people, but my gut told me that this guy was only taking advantage of a grieving widow. What bothered me the most was that deep down, I think she knew this. She just didn’t care because she was using him too.

“I don’t hate you, but I can’t stand by and watch you self-destruct either.”

“I know you think I’m being selfish.” A stubborn tear fell down her cheek. “But I also deserve to be happy.”

I snapped my head to hers. “Are you happy, Mother? Really happy?” My voice was bitter and hard. I watched her eyes fill with sadness. Her head dipped down as if she couldn’t even look at me.

I felt Chloe’s fingers brush along my back. “Jack, I think that’s enough.”

I stepped back and narrowed my eyes. “Whose side are you on?” I stared at her, confused and angry. I refused to be the bad guy here. I knew she was concerned for me, but I needed her in my corner. I’ve had issues with my mother long before she entered my world. She didn’t understand how much my mother’s choices had affected me.

Chloe shook her head. “I’m on your side always. I understand why you’re frustrated, but she’s still your mother. What happened between her and your father was between them. She’s all the family you have left. Is this really the kind of relationship you want with her?”

I placed my hands on the side of my neck, trying to roll some of the tension off of it. “So, am I just supposed to excuse her behavior and act like nothing happened? Do you want me to act like her actions didn’t hurt me?”

My mother started to sob, and for the first time today, I felt like an asshole. I spent years resenting her for being so selfish. Now, all I saw was a broken woman who lived in a loveless marriage, but never had the strength to leave.

Chloe sighed, placing her hand on my face, so I had no choice but to look at her. “I think your anger is justified, but maybe you need to set new expectations. She’s not perfect, Jack. No one is. But I know as a mom, I would never intentionally hurt my son, and I would bet that she regrets hurting you.”

“She’s right, Jack.” My mother took a pleading step forward. Her sobs sounded more like hiccups. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, and that’s all I seem to do.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. All these years I’ve used my mother as an excuse to avoid relationships. But Chloe was right; if something ever happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

“Look, Mom. I’m sorry for lashing out. I know I was harsh.”

“No.” She shook her head. “You have every right to be angry. I was a horrible wife and a shitty mother. You and your father deserved better, and I’m sorry.”

I scrubbed my hands down my face. “If Marcus makes you happy, then I’m not going to stand in your way. Just don’t expect me to welcome him into the family with open arms. You’ve got to give me a little time here.”

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